IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently received a letter from your freind asking for an advice to go to a college or to find a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to your freind, In your letter include why he would not enjoy goin to college. why getting a job is good. suggest fw good jobs for him

#freind #advice #college #job #fw #jobs
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Dear Chandana, I am writing the reply to your letter that I received a few days ago. I would like to give free and valuable advice based on my knowledge and experience in Canada. At
first,
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it is difficult to enter
into
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apply
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a Government University in British Columbia
due to
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 the high cost and language proficiency.
Further
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, I believe you will not enjoy attending to college due the high workload in each course module.
In addition
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, you will meet different types of students from different cultures
as
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at
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 the same age as you. Most of these students, usually spend their time arranging parties and going on trips rather than focusing on studies.
Therefore
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, I suppose registering for
a
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apply
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college is a waste of time and money.
Secondly
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, finding a job would be beneficial as you will receive long-term knowledge and experience in different aspects. Meanwhile, there is an opportunity to meet new individuals of different ages where you can obtain greater life lessons as well.
Finally
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, since you possess high interpersonal and communication skills I would recommend finding jobs related to the Human Resources industry where you can achieve various things in your future career. Recently, I saw several vacancies advertised for
the
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apply
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posts
such
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 as Human Resources Coordinator and Human Resources Executive where you can apply and see. I wish you all the very best
with
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in
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 your future endeavours. Regards, Shehani
Submitted by shehanigunasekara948 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider using more cohesive devices and transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
To achieve a higher score in single idea per paragraph, make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and avoid introducing new concepts abruptly.
Task Achievement
For a more complete response, consider providing additional specifics or examples about the job market or potential benefits of working versus studying.
Task Achievement
The letter has a clear and friendly tone, which is suitable for the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately done, adding to the letter's coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph generally addresses one main idea, which aids in clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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