There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An increasing number of students nowadays opt to receive a lot of pressure to succeed academically.
This
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argument has a number of agreements and disagreements of whether some subjects are required to or not required to pursue, to decline the stress rate experienced by students, which will be discussed in
this
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article. Some
people
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were born academically well,
while
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others were born to explore social skills. I believe in the
future
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, these groups will still required in society, and school is the best place to create and help young
people
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define what they really want in the
future
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.
However
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, humans’ lives are now surrounded by the advancement of technology. The study forecasts that automation will dominate the
future
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,
as well as
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Artificial Intelligence which is predicted to replace 30% of current jobs.
This
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means young
people
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ought to learn other hard skills where
Add an article
the community
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
are still in need and AI is likely impossible to replace.
For example
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, a self-defence subject or even a cooking class. Not surprisingly, pupils tend to have higher interests in learning physical or social-related skills. One noticeable feature,
on the other hand
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, is probably that the
future
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needs a well-academic bunch of
people
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, as the development of technology is basically ruled by
people
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.
Besides
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, the major indicator of developed countries is the technology implementation within.
This
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means, that the world demands academically innovative
people
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to realize the upcoming, and to create innovative ones, the basic stage is to prepare them from the early stage, which is the school stage. No wonder, schools are now focusing on the science-related syllabus.
To sum up
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, school is a perfect environment for young
people
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to do and explore many stuffs, Despite removing some non-academic subjects, I believe it is better to let students learn as much as possible,
as well as
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decide their focus based on their passion
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your overall viewpoint. The current introduction does not fully set the stage for the ensuing discussion.
examples
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. This will help illustrate your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
logical structure
Work on developing a clear, logical structure within your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, which should be supported by specific details or examples.
conclusion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the topic. It should be a clear end to the discussion without introducing new ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas in each paragraph. Avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of your position.
task response
Your task response could be improved by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure to explicitly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the removal of non-academic subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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