IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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A downright variance of view has been observed among the masses regarding their income source.A segment of society contends that individuals should choose their position of employment,opponents ,meanwhile,adhere to the notion of choosing their
career
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 for the future .The ensuing paragraphs will proffer an insight into both the doctrine and explain why it is crucial to select a
career
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 over a
job
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. Not endorsed by everyone,yet approved by some individuals that relying on a
job
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 offers them less risk of unemployment,as are result,they can spend their lives happier,without having any risk of unemployment.
On the other hand
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,they can change their
job
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 position,whenever,they get a chance to get a better
job
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 ,in terms of income and position.
For instance
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, it has been observed,that having a
job
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 provides freedom,and independence in a prolonged term. Disjunctive to
this
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,the idea of selecting and focusing on a
career
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 acts as a more beneficial tool which is attested by a myriad of people.The fundamental element associated with mechanisms is the advantage of long-term success,
furthermore
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,if adolescents have chosen any
career
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, the potential and motivation
also
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 allow them to fight against any obstacles without having any fear.Another considering element analogous to the idea of having a profession allows them to become independent,
in other words
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,individuals can spend their time with their families
,
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apply
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because they are not bound by any responsibilities.
To conclude
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,both arguments carry their own reasoning, logic and pragmatism.Albeit,binding with a
career
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 seems advantageous in the long run
due to
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 its weighty,indispensable and fringe benefits.

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task response
Your essay's introduction does a good job of laying out the two contrasting viewpoints, but the language used can be overly complex and might confuse the reader. Simplifying the wording will aid in clarity.
task response
Try to provide more specific and concrete examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Using clear transition words and phrases can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Avoid lengthy and complicated sentences that may confuse the reader. Break down your sentences into easier, understandable segments for better readability.
task response
The essay presents both sides of the argument in a well-structured way, making the task response quite good overall.
task response
You provide a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively, which is an important aspect of essay writing.
coherence cohesion
The main points in each body paragraph are supported with reasoning, which helps in making your argument clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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