5. Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. Do you agree or disagree

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This
Correct pronoun usage
It This
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the responsibility of the government to distribute the revenue fairly among city dwellers.
While
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some believe that allocating financial assistance to
people
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on behalf of governments can intensify crippling poverty. In my view,
such
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aid goes a long way in the social well-being and economic equality. On the one hand, it encourages the culture of dependency. To clarify, when
people
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receive
money
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without any effort, they may lose their enthusiasm
toward
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for
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providing their basic necessities.
Therefore
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, they become reluctant to find an occupation with the aim of earning
money
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.
As a result
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, the community encounters a majority of
people
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who lack both personal and job skills.
On the other hand
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, underestimating the importance of financial safety is not logical.
For example
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, in my country, Iran, the number of
people
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who suffer from monetary issues has increased significantly
due to
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the economic instability.
This
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way, if authorities place a high value on the level of income for residents, they benefit from a higher standard of living.
Hence
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,
people
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do not tend to break the law to meet their needs.
Moreover
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, there is a definite link between income and mood. They consider themselves useful for others, and it gives them a sense of identity. The more they can make
money
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, the happier they can be. In conclusion,
although
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giving a sum of
money
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to
people
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without any plans makes them dependent, everyone has the right to live happily
instead
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of being worried about
money
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-related issues. So,
this
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is a massive burden
of
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for
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high-ranking officials to address
such
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a problem properly.

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task
Be clear about your main idea at the start. Say if you agree or not in the first line of the essay.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and add a simple, direct example to back it up.
language
Choose easy words from the top 100 list and keep long sentences short to avoid mix up.
stance
You show a clear view that help can be good, not just bad.
structure
You use a two-side structure with 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
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