IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Chilhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions can be offered?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of obese children is increasing rapidly, What are the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
? And how can we prevent
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon from
further
Linking Words
 expansion?
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to answer both these questions supporting the answers with suitable arguments Since the start of that century, society has normalized the presence of overweight children so that the
parents
Use synonyms
 don't even realise that there so they
call
Correct your spelling
so-called
show examples
 "chubby kid" might be at risk of a wide range of medical conditions relating to
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 weight
such
Linking Words
 as type 2 diabetes and hypertension. With both
parents
Use synonyms
 going to work daily,it has become hard to serve homemade meals on a regular basis.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, fast food restaurants gained huge popularity especially among part-time moms as a faster and cheaper substitute regardless of its dangers.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 can be overcome by offering ready-to-prepare healthy and nutritious meals in department stores as healthier options for busy mothers. The lack of awareness about the importance of following a dietary plan
also
Linking Words
 contributes to the spread of the uplisted case. To illustrate,
parents
Use synonyms
 offer their kids some extremely high-calorie snacks as treats with little or even no knowledge of what these treats can cause to their kids .
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,the lack of green spaces and playgrounds for kids to play in followed by the addiction to video games has slightly increased the
problem
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , alertness can be spread in multiple forms
such
Linking Words
 as by organizing posters explaining the dangers of child obesity or through television advertisements.
Moreover
Linking Words
,governments should start constructing playgrounds with wide green areas in the family neighbourhood.
To sum up
Linking Words
, childhood obesity is considered an international
problem
Use synonyms
 which is caused
due to
Linking Words
 several environmental and societal reasons .
However
Linking Words
, the main key to solving
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is spreading awareness among people
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
especially
parents
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt thoroughly, providing more comprehensive arguments and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, enhancing overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more detailed supporting arguments and specific examples to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Focus on sentence variety and complexity to improve the overall quality of your writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion nicely.
task achievement
The essay addresses relevant points about the causes and solutions of childhood obesity, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • high-calorie
  • low-nutrient
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • video games
  • online entertainment
  • social media
  • physical activities
  • balanced diet
  • regular exercise
  • comprehensive health education
  • nutrition
  • health education programs
  • regulate
  • advertising
  • unhealthy food products
  • promoting healthy eating
  • perceptions
  • setting a good example
  • healthier food choices
  • outdoor activities
  • screen time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: