Prevention is better than cure" Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.
In
this
age
it is argued that preventing any kind of illness is more reasonable than finding new ways and treatments to heal it.
I firmly believe that researchers should focus on arresting undesirable Add a comma
age,
sickness
.
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
Firstly
,sometimes finding new medical methods would be pointless after having dreadful diseases. For example
, in some versions of cancer
it is crucial to cure in a short time, Add a comma
cancer,
otherwise
it may Add a comma
otherwise,
conculude
with death. In Correct your spelling
conclude
this
case
the option emerges that if doctors discover new ways to prevent it would be feasible to save people who have Add a comma
case,
health
problems rather than spending a lot of time and money
to cure it.
Apart from that, treatments demand more money
which leads to economical
problems. All over the Replace the word
economic
world
there are many patients who suffer from chronic illnesses but they can not afford to go hospital or get treatment. Add a comma
world,
For
this
reason, the amount
of deaths Change the quantifier
number
are
increasing. Change the verb form
is
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
show
Verb problem
apply
show
that during a year over one million patients die because of poor life and Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
ilness
. Correct your spelling
illness
Fortunately
there are some cases where people can cope with Add a comma
Fortunately,
this
problem. For instance
, after every six months
each pupil should go hospital and check their Add a comma
months,
health
without money
with the help of government
, Correct article usage
the government
it
would be beneficial for avoiding Correct pronoun usage
which
such
kinds of health
issues.
In conclusion, it is important to take some steps for prevention
of these problems because it would require more amount of Correct article usage
the prevention
money
to cure any health
condition.Submitted by nezerli.x12 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear standpoint and provides relevant examples. However, you might benefit from elaborating more comprehensively on each point to enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, some of the transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, you could use more cohesive devices to ensure that your ideas flow more seamlessly from one paragraph to the next.
grammatical accuracy
There are occasional small errors in grammar and word choice. Paying slightly more attention to syntax and vocabulary usage would help in conveying your ideas even more clearly.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and your standpoint.
examples
The examples you used are relevant and help to illustrate your points well.
conclusion
You conclude effectively by summarizing your main argument and reinforcing the importance of preventative measures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.