Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
In
this
competitive era, academic success is the priority for students
, due to
which they feel pressured. Consequently
, individuals believe subjects
like physical education and cookery should not be included in school curriculum
. I completely disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
this
statement and I will mention the reasons in the upcoming paragraphs.
School is designed in a way that students
can explore in
all the fields of education and skills. Simply focusing on Change preposition
apply
studies
can make student's
mind dull. Correct article usage
a student's
According to
researches
, a human brain cannot absorb all the information without any break. The main reason Fix the agreement mistake
research
of
having Change preposition
for
extra -curricular
activities is to refresh Correct your spelling
extracurricular
students
, so thay
they can learn and understand concepts easily. If they will only focus on Correct your spelling
that
Studies
Moreover
, these subjects
can give live examples of subjects
such
as physics and biology releats
to physical education. Correct your spelling
related
Whereas
, cookery relates to chemistry. All these activites
Correct your spelling
activities
helps
to develop concentration Change the verb form
help
level
. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
Also
, students
those
who are not good Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
Change preposition
at
studies
will Correct pronoun usage
their studies
able
to find another field in which they can Add a missing verb
be able
persue
their Correct your spelling
pursue
carrier
.
Correct your spelling
careers
To sum up
, students
shold
not only focus on Correct your spelling
should
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
,
they should Add the word(s)
, but
also
participate in other non-academic subjects
as it can help to maintain balance in life.Submitted by chadhabhavika on
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure, particularly in the development of ideas. Consider using topic sentences to begin each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to address the task. However, try to elaborate more on your points and provide specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and incomplete sentences that disrupt the flow of the essay. Make sure to proofread your work and check for common errors such as subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and sentence completion.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a more defined conclusion that summarizes your key points and reinforces your position on the topic.
task achievement
The introduction does well in stating your position clearly, showing that you have understood the task.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at linking non-academic subjects to academic ones, such as linking physical education to biology and cookery to chemistry.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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