Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Some would argue that having

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

is a priority in choosing a workplace,

while

Linking Words

others believe that a good working ambience matters more.

Although

Linking Words

being paid well may ensure

Remove the article

apply

show examples

stable finance, it is my belief that a positive working environment brings out more benefits

due to

Linking Words

the justifications and illustrations provided below. On the one hand, a high

salary

Use synonyms

can lead to financial stability.

This

Linking Words

is to say that adequate

salary

Use synonyms

allows individuals to pay bills,

save

Correct word choice

and save

show examples

for the future, on top of that, they can invest in personal growth activities

such

Linking Words

as education and travel.

This

Linking Words

stability is a crucial aspect of a high quality of life. Actually,

salary

Use synonyms

is always a key element for employees when they consider applying for a position. In Vietnam, big corporations like Vingroup or Sungroup are among

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

selected choices by candidates since they often offer positions with high

Use synonyms

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

. I believe that

although

Linking Words

the benefit of

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

is undeniable,

this

Linking Words

may cause detrimental health problems because employees are consistently under much pressure at work.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, working in a positive environment obviously improves

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction.

It is clear that

Linking Words

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction is always an important factor when choosing a workplace as it can lead to higher productivity.

This

Linking Words

is because workers who feel valued and supported are more likely to be loyal to their company and stay long-term.

For example

Linking Words

, in Vietnam, after working a few years in a big company, employees tend to quit their

Use synonyms

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

due to

Linking Words

a lot of stress at work. They rather choose another

job

Use synonyms

that offers

lower

Correct article usage

a lower

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

but

having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

a friendly atmosphere so that they can have a better work-life balance. I am of the opinion that choosing a positive working environment is much more essential as one's mental well-being matters the most. In conclusion, in spite of

financial

Correct article usage

the financial

show examples

stability and security for life that

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

may bring out in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

short-term

Correct your spelling

short term

show examples

, working in a positive place is more important for individuals to ensure

Remove the article

apply

show examples

long-term happiness.

kelsey.aston.aie

Sep 24, 2024

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Coherence and cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a slightly clearer division of paragraphs, particularly in the body. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and elaborates on it fully before moving to the next.

Coherence and cohesion

The introduction could be made more succinct and direct to immediately capture the reader's attention. Consider revising the first sentence to be more straightforward.

Task response and achievement

Deepen the analysis of your main points. Instead of briefly stating examples, provide more details and explain how these examples are directly relevant to the argument.

Task response and achievement

Diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and structures to maintain the reader's interest.

Coherence and cohesion

Your essay consistently ties back to the main argument, showing a clear and maintained stance throughout.

Task response and achievement

The examples used are relevant and help to illustrate the points effectively. Specific examples related to Vietnam add authenticity and grounding to your arguments.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
career advancement
professional development
networking
quality of life
work-life balance
mental health
job satisfaction
positive work environment
valued and supported
loyalty to company
long-term commitment
stress levels

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Some people say that school children should be given individual class work, while others think that working in small groups is better for them. Discuss both approaches and include your own

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The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their familles but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?