IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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These days, the process of making food and drink products
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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 a massive amount of sugar, which leads to various health issues. Many
believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that sweetened
foods
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 should be made more expensive to encourage
people
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 to eat less sugar.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes the notion above will make
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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stop
consume
Change the form of the verb
consuming
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 high levels of sugar because it will lower the number of
people
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 buying them and encourage them to buy healthy
foods
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most of the
production's
Change noun form
production
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 demand comes from unhealthy
foods
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 and
drinks
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,
such
Linking Words
 as sugary products. Eating these kinds of food usually
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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people
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
a
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 feeling of
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 and satisfaction. But, consuming
this
Linking Words
 frequently will lead to numerous health problems, namely obesity and diabetes. One way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 is by making it more expensive so it will be hard for
people
Use synonyms
 to buy them because it will cost them more money than they usually have.
For instance
Linking Words
, Coca-Cola's
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
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 for their products
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 after they doubled the price.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
people
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 eating sweetened
foods
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 and
drinks
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 gradually
decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
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, they will try to find an alternative to replace it.
This
Linking Words
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 might give
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 chance for more fruits and vegetables
in
Change preposition
on
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 their plate, as it is way easier to find veggies and fruits and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 cost less than unhealthy
foods
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.
For example
Linking Words
, supermarkets or local markets can start displaying more
of
Change preposition
apply
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vegetables and fruit than processed
foods
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 or
drinks
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. In conclusion, eating sugary
foods
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 and
drinks
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 have a lot of negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 towards our health. one way to solve
this
Linking Words
 is by making all
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 kinds of food and drink more expensive as it
promotes
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to buy less and eat more healthy
foods
Use synonyms
.

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Grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and tense consistency throughout your writing. Minor grammatical errors can be distracting.
Content Development
Develop your main points more fully to strengthen your argument. Use more detailed examples and explanations.
Lexical Resource
Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Try to use a broader range of vocabulary to express similar ideas more creatively.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've made relevant and specific points to support your main argument, such as the example of Coca-Cola.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall flow of ideas is logical, making your essay easy to follow.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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