IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to the same and look the same. Do you agree or disagree ?

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Many
people
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 argue that advertising has impacted every section of society and forced individuals to do the same and look the same which has resulted in destroying the individuality of a person. I agree with the given statement and my reasons will be explained below.
People
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 nowadays, are surrounded by
advertisements
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. These are done through television, radio programs and newspapers. If a person sees a famous movie star in an ad promoting a specific product he will be tempted to buy that. Advertising is done in a way that we as a consumer cannot help but to look at it. They use catchy titles to attract customers.
For example
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, if a popular actor is in an ad film in which he is encouraging to buy a skincare product
people
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 will want to do the same.
This
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 results in
people
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 being similar to one another.
Moreover
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, these days
people
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 focus more on status symbol . Individuals have lost their uniqueness because everyone wears the same clothing brands and carries similar things to show off their wealth.
People
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 have lost their own sense of style and try to copy what is shown in
advertisements
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 want to buy Apple phones to show their status symbol in society. One pays more attention to fit in society rather than giving priority to his own happiness.
This
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 leads to
people
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 wearing the same clothes and using the same products.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 claim that
advertisements
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 do not influence our lives to a large extent. They believe, that
people
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 only purchase items which they can afford and really need.
Also
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, they feel that individuals are different from one another and have not lost their identity.
To conclude
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,
although
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 many
people
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 say that
advertisements
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 do not play a major role in our choices of lifestyle yet, I believe that celebrity endorsements and status symbols convince
people
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 to do the same which causes everyone to look the same.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly supported by detailed examples. Some of your examples are valid but could benefit from a bit more explanation and detail to help strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and punctuation, as they can slightly affect clarity. Proofread to eliminate small mistakes for better coherence.
coherence and cohesion
While your argument is clear, consider varying your sentence structures more. This can help maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your introduction successfully presents your opinion and outlines the main argument, setting a clear tone for your essay.
task achievement
You effectively acknowledge a counterargument, which strengthens your overall position and adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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