In some cities, people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes is Which development do you think is better?replacing cars. Why is this the case?
People
in some cities
prefer to ride cars
more than bikes
. But in other cities
, bikes
are more accesible
than Correct your spelling
accessible
cars
. I think that traffics
that Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
occured
by many transportations Correct your spelling
occurs
in
the road significantly Change preposition
on
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
in
Change preposition
to
this
issue and also
think that using bikes
encourage
sustainable Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
developments
.
Some Fix the agreement mistake
development
people
more
want to ride Correct quantifier usage
apply
bikes
because their cities
are very complicated and complex. In big cities
, there are so many cars
and bus
, so if Fix the agreement mistake
buses
people
in the cities
use their own automobile
, Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
people
can't move fastly
. Rephrase
fast
In contrast
, bicycles are free to traffic. Althouch
Correct your spelling
Although
bikes
are slow and make people
tired, it
reduce their Correct pronoun usage
they
stop
that Fix the agreement mistake
stops
ocuured
by traffic. Wrong verb form
are caused
In
Change preposition
As
result
, using Correct article usage
a result
bikes
in the cities
that occured
many Correct your spelling
occur
traffics
save Change the verb form
traffic
times
.
In Fix the agreement mistake
time
this
topic, I belive
that riding Correct your spelling
believe
bikes
are better because of our enviorments
. Many Correct your spelling
environment
environments
autombiles
emit CO2 that Correct your spelling
automobiles
increase
footprints and Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
contribute
to global warming. Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
For example
, research about automoblie's
CO2 emissions Correct your spelling
automobile's
automobiles
shown
that the Wrong verb form
shows
trasnportation
accounted for 23% of Correct your spelling
transportation
its
. But riding Correct pronoun usage
it
bikes
is eco-friendly. There are no CO2 emissions. The research team announced that if the lifestyle of using bicycles spreads worldwide, annual carbon emissions would be reduced by approximately 43%.
SO
I think that Correct your spelling
So
this developments
are effective in the ecosystem.
In conclusion, Change the determiner
this development
these developments
Although
people
used to ride cars
to move fastly, paradoxically now some people
prefer to ride bicycles because of traffic. And I belive
that Correct your spelling
believe
this
change bring
a good effect Change the verb form
brings
in
our ecosystem. Change preposition
on
Futhermore
, we encourage Correct your spelling
Furthermore
people
to ride a bike.Submitted by kwakjim777 on
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Grammatical Accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structure. For instance, 'traffics that occurred by many transportations' should be 'traffic caused by the large number of vehicles.'
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples and evidence for the points made. For instance, include statistics or case studies to strengthen your argument on how bicycles help the environment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs for better flow. Use linking words like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' and 'On the other hand,' to clearly mark different sections of your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly presents the problem and provides a stance, which shows a sound understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces the stance taken, contributing to a coherent argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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