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Band 4.5

In some cities, people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes is Which development do you think is better?replacing cars. Why is this the case?

#cities #people #cars #bicycles #bikes #development #case
People
 in some
cities
 prefer to ride
cars
 more than
bikes
. But in other
cities
,
bikes
 are more
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 than
cars
. I think that
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
show examples
 that
occured
Correct your spelling
occurs
 by many transportations
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the road significantly
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue and
also
 think that using
bikes
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 sustainable
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
. Some
people
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
want to ride
bikes
 because their
cities
 are very complicated and complex. In big
cities
, there are so many
cars
 and
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
, so if
people
 in the
cities
 use their own
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
,
people
 can't move
fastly
Rephrase
fast
show examples
.
In contrast
, bicycles are free to traffic.
Althouch
Correct your spelling
Although
bikes
 are slow and make
people
 tired,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reduce their
stop
Fix the agreement mistake
stops
show examples
 that
ocuured
Wrong verb form
are caused
show examples
 by traffic.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, using
bikes
 in the
cities
 that
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 many
traffics
Change the verb form
traffic
show examples
 save
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. In
this
 topic, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that riding
bikes
 are better because of our
enviorments
Correct your spelling
environment
environments
. Many
autombiles
Correct your spelling
automobiles
 emit CO2 that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 footprints and
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to global warming.
For example
, research about
automoblie's
Correct your spelling
automobile's
automobiles
 CO2 emissions
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that the
trasnportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 accounted for 23% of
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. But riding
bikes
 is eco-friendly. There are no CO2 emissions. The research team announced that if the lifestyle of using bicycles spreads worldwide, annual carbon emissions would be reduced by approximately 43%.
SO
Correct your spelling
So
show examples
 I think that
this developments
Change the determiner
this development
these developments
show examples
 are effective in the ecosystem. In conclusion,
Although
people
 used to ride
cars
 to move fastly, paradoxically now some
people
 prefer to ride bicycles because of traffic. And I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
 change
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a good effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our ecosystem.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, we encourage
people
 to ride a bike.
Submitted by kwakjim777 on

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Grammatical Accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structure. For instance, 'traffics that occurred by many transportations' should be 'traffic caused by the large number of vehicles.'
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples and evidence for the points made. For instance, include statistics or case studies to strengthen your argument on how bicycles help the environment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs for better flow. Use linking words like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' and 'On the other hand,' to clearly mark different sections of your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly presents the problem and provides a stance, which shows a sound understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces the stance taken, contributing to a coherent argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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