IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Marketing is a powerful tool widely used by
businesses
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 to attract potential customers. Among the numerous methods of advertising, emphasizing that
products
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 are new or have unique features has become the most popular strategy.
This
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 approach stems from the limitations of advertising mediums and the need to capture consumer attention quickly. In my opinion,
this
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 trend is a positive development because it fosters
innovation
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 and offers
consumers
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 a variety of choices. There are several reasons why
businesses
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 highlight the newness of their
products
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 in advertising.
Firstly
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,
consumers
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 are often attracted to novelty and
innovation
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. In a competitive
market
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, emphasizing new features helps
products
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 stand out from competitors.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the limitations of advertising platforms necessitate a focus on unique selling points. With limited time in commercials or limited space in print ads, companies must convey the most compelling aspects of their
products
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 quickly.
For example
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,
while
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 many smartphones offer similar basic functions like touch screens and cameras, a company might highlight a new AI integration or an innovative camera feature to capture consumer interest. I believe
this
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 development is positive for both
businesses
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 and
consumers
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. For
businesses
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, it encourages continuous
innovation
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 and improvement, as companies strive to offer something new to attract customers.
This
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 competition leads to technological advancements and better
products
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 in the
market
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. For
consumers
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, it provides a wider range of options and access to the latest technologies. They can choose
products
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 that best suit their needs and preferences.
Moreover
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, emphasizing new features can inform
consumers
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 about advancements they might not have been aware of
otherwise
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.
For instance
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, when Apple introduced the first touchscreen mobile phone without a physical keyboard, it revolutionized the smartphone industry and set new standards for future devices. In conclusion,
businesses
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 emphasize the newness of their
products
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 in advertising to attract
consumers
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 by differentiating themselves in a crowded
market
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 and working within the constraints of advertising mediums.
This
Linking Words
 trend is a positive development as it drives
innovation
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, offers
consumers
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 more choices, and contributes to the advancement of technology and
products
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 in the
market
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.

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task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, clearly explaining why businesses emphasize the newness of their products in advertising and offering a well-reasoned opinion on why this is a positive development. This addressing of the task shows a high level of understanding.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, consider delving a bit deeper into each argument. Offering more specific examples and elaborations will add even more depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. All parts of the essay are coherent and linked well. However, the transition between ideas and paragraphs could be enhanced with the use of more varied linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the topic and your opinion, setting the stage for the rest of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion, bringing closure to the essay.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, such as the AI integration in smartphones and the impact of Apple's first touchscreen mobile phone. This strengthens your arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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