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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below gives information about the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.

The chart below gives information about the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004.
The bar chart gives a comparison between the annual
salary
Use synonyms
 of doctors and other employees in seven countries in the year 2004. Salaries are measured in thousands of
dollars
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overall
Linking Words
, the chart shows that
while
Linking Words
 doctors’ pay outnumbered other workers in most countries, the
salary
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 gap was significant with the notable exception of the Czech Republic. Regarding doctors, in Canada, Switzerland and Germany got nearly the same
salary
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 standing at around 115
thousand
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dollars
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. The doctors in The United States got the highest
salary
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 among others in different countries, over 140
thousand
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dollars
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 those in Finland and the Czech Republic had little annual pay. The French doctors’ annual pay, was just below 90
thousand
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dollars
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 With respect to other workers , in Canada, Finland, France and Germany had the same amount of
salary
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, just thirty
thousand
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dollars
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,
while
Linking Words
 In Switzerland and the US was higher by approximately 11
thousand
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dollars
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. Notably , other employees in the Czech Republic had the lowest
salary
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salary, dollars, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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