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Writing Samples
Band 5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species & loss of biodioversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solution can be done to to solve it?

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It cannot be denied that people have taken part in the loss of
biodiversity
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 and extinction of many species around the
world
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. To solve
this
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problem
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, it is important to know the cause of why
such
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 events occur.
This
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 essay will try to describe the cause and solve
this
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problem
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. The rising
of
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apply
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human birth rate has made an impact on the
world
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's
ecosystem
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. With many new families, there are
also
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 many needs
of
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for
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 new
home
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homes
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.
This
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 has made contractors
opened
Wrong verb form
open
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 lots of forests to make and
sells
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sell
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 new houses,
thus
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 endangering the
ecosystem
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 that has been there for a long time. In short, with the rising
of
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apply
show examples
birth rate, many forests will be cut down in order for people to have
home
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a home
show examples
. The advancement of technologies has
also
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became
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become
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 one of
reasons
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the reasons
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in
Change preposition
for
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 the
declining
Replace the word
decline
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 of
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world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
ecosystem
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 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. The technology that people
using
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use
show examples
 may cause dangers to the environment. Mining
machine
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machines
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,
for example
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,
used
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are used
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 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to mine minerals
such
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 as gold and iron that can be useful for
human
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humans
show examples
.
However
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, the developer usually
forgetting
Wrong verb form
forgets
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 the former mining site and just
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
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 it alone,
thus
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make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 it barren land that
dangerous
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is dangerous
show examples
 for every species. In brief, the advancement of technologies
also
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playing
Wrong verb form
plays
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part
Correct article usage
a part
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 in the extinction of the
world
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. To solve
this
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problem
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help from
governments
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 all around the
world
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were
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was
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 needed.
Governments
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 should make some regulations that could help in maintaining the
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world
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world's
show examples
ecosystem
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 and
biodiversity
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.
For instance
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, making rules about mining so that the site can
be relocate
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be relocated
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 as soon as the mining finished may
be help
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help
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improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 the
world
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's environment or
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 some regulations about opening lands and building houses may help
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
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 illegal logging. In conclusion,
governments
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' help
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed to improve
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world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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ecosystem
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 and
biodiversity
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.
To conclude
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, the rising
of
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apply
show examples
human birth rate and the advancement of technologies have become causes of the
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
ecosystem
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 and
biodiversity
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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,
governments
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' help
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed in order to prevent the loss of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 and the extinction of species.

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task achievement
Clarify your ideas more in the body paragraphs. For instance, provide specific examples or statistics to support your claims about the rising birth rate and technological advancement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by making sure each paragraph has a clear main point. This will help in maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which help in framing your overall argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the main causes and provides relevant solutions, which indicates a reasonable understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt at creating a structured argument, with each paragraph attempting to tackle a specific aspect of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Biodiversity:** The variety of plant and animal life in the world or in a particular habitat, often seen as an indicator of the health of an ecosystem.
  • 2. **Deforestation:** The action of clearing a wide area of trees, negatively impacting natural habitats.
  • 3. **Ecosystem:** A biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment.
  • 4. **Pollution:** The presence in or introduction into the environment of a substance which has harmful or poisonous effects.
  • 5. **Climate Change:** A change in global or regional climate patterns, often referring to the rise in global temperatures from the mid-20th century onwards.
  • 6. **Overexploitation:** The excessive use of species that have economic value.
  • 7. **Invasive Species:** Non-native species that spread from the point of introduction to become naturalized and negatively impact native species and ecosystems.
  • 8. **Habitat Destruction:** The process in which natural habitat is rendered unable to support the species present.
  • 9. **Extinction:** The state or process of a species, family, or larger group being or becoming extinct.
  • 10. **Conservation:** The action of conserving something, in this case, biodiversity and ecosystems.
  • 11. **Sustainable Practices:** Methods of using resources in ways that do not deplete them or cause harm to the environment.
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