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Writing Samples
Band 5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species & loss of biodioversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solution can be done to to solve it?

#influence #beings #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodioversity #biodiversity
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It cannot be denied that people have taken part in the loss of
biodiversity
 and extinction of many species around the
world
. To solve
this
problem
, it is important to know the cause of why
such
 events occur.
This
 essay will try to describe the cause and solve
this
problem
. The rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human birth rate has made an impact on the
world
's
ecosystem
. With many new families, there are
also
 many needs
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
This
 has made contractors
opened
Wrong verb form
open
show examples
 lots of forests to make and
sells
Correct subject-verb agreement
sell
show examples
 new houses,
thus
 endangering the
ecosystem
 that has been there for a long time. In short, with the rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
birth rate, many forests will be cut down in order for people to have
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
. The advancement of technologies has
also
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 one of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 of
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
ecosystem
 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. The technology that people
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 may cause dangers to the environment. Mining
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
for example
,
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to mine minerals
such
 as gold and iron that can be useful for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
However
, the developer usually
forgetting
Wrong verb form
forgets
show examples
 the former mining site and just
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
 it alone,
thus
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 it barren land that
dangerous
Add a missing verb
is dangerous
show examples
 for every species. In brief, the advancement of technologies
also
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
part
Correct article usage
a part
show examples
 in the extinction of the
world
. To solve
this
problem
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help from
governments
 all around the
world
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 needed.
Governments
 should make some regulations that could help in maintaining the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
ecosystem
 and
biodiversity
.
For instance
, making rules about mining so that the site can
be relocate
Change the verb form
be relocated
show examples
 as soon as the mining finished may
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the
world
's environment or
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 some regulations about opening lands and building houses may help
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 illegal logging. In conclusion,
governments
' help
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed to improve
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
ecosystem
 and
biodiversity
.
To conclude
, the rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human birth rate and the advancement of technologies have become causes of the
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 of
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
ecosystem
 and
biodiversity
. To solve
this
problem
,
governments
' help
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed in order to prevent the loss of
biodiversity
 and the extinction of species.
Submitted by anandeaadhity on

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task achievement
Clarify your ideas more in the body paragraphs. For instance, provide specific examples or statistics to support your claims about the rising birth rate and technological advancement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by making sure each paragraph has a clear main point. This will help in maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which help in framing your overall argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the main causes and provides relevant solutions, which indicates a reasonable understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt at creating a structured argument, with each paragraph attempting to tackle a specific aspect of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Biodiversity:** The variety of plant and animal life in the world or in a particular habitat, often seen as an indicator of the health of an ecosystem.
  • 2. **Deforestation:** The action of clearing a wide area of trees, negatively impacting natural habitats.
  • 3. **Ecosystem:** A biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment.
  • 4. **Pollution:** The presence in or introduction into the environment of a substance which has harmful or poisonous effects.
  • 5. **Climate Change:** A change in global or regional climate patterns, often referring to the rise in global temperatures from the mid-20th century onwards.
  • 6. **Overexploitation:** The excessive use of species that have economic value.
  • 7. **Invasive Species:** Non-native species that spread from the point of introduction to become naturalized and negatively impact native species and ecosystems.
  • 8. **Habitat Destruction:** The process in which natural habitat is rendered unable to support the species present.
  • 9. **Extinction:** The state or process of a species, family, or larger group being or becoming extinct.
  • 10. **Conservation:** The action of conserving something, in this case, biodiversity and ecosystems.
  • 11. **Sustainable Practices:** Methods of using resources in ways that do not deplete them or cause harm to the environment.
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