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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that some type of criminals should not go to prison, instead they should do unpaid work in the community. To what extent do you agree?

#people #type #criminals #prison #work #community
Some
people
 believe that some
kind
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kinds
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 of
criminals
 should do unpaid community
works
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work
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instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 of being in prison. For some
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reason
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reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
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 I fully agree with the notion that it can be more beneficial rather than just
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 a prisoner in a cage.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why I agree. Staying just in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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prison for years can not be a good punishment for the
criminals
.
For instance
, the prisoners can have some indoor activities solely or as a group in the prison, but their activities
is
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are
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 just for them.
Additionally
, having some activities as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social work for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 can help the
people
 outside with the normal life which the crime of the
criminals
 influenced their life in the past.
On the other hand
, helping
people
 in
the
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apply
show examples
society
 can teach them how to live better and be a better person. They can feel how wonderful it is to help each other.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 they can help poor
people
 to have a shelter.
However
, the prisoners can
also
 help the environment by cleaning the streets and forests out of trash. By
this
, they can learn how everyone can be useful
for
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to
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the
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apply
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society
 and the planet and they can feel what aspects
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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their life
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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. By and large, the government must arrest these
people
, but it is not the end. They should help the
criminals
 to be a better person and be useful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 in the future.
Submitted by yasaminashouri on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point made in the essay is well-supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure that the specifics of how community service would benefit both society and the criminal are clearly articulated.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
The main idea is fairly well-developed, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The writing maintains a logical flow from one point to the next, making it mostly easy to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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