Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion
All
of
Change preposition
apply
human
in Add an article
the human
this
world has a right to be happy. Otherwise
, they can also
change the bad things that happened to them become bless
or choose to feel glad. On one hand, some Wrong verb form
blessed
people
argue that everyone must responsible
for their own Add a missing verb
be responsible
happiness
. Meanwhile, others think there are some reasons outside from
ourselves that make us happy. Change preposition
of
This
essay will elaborate both
sides and give a conclusion.
First of all, Change preposition
on both
people
can be happy just because as simple as they depend on themselves. For example
, once upon a time, I failed my physics exam. However
, I chose to be happy regardless anything
that happened to me. Change preposition
of anything
Instead
of crying because of the exam result, the result makes
me Wrong verb form
made
realized
that I did not have Wrong verb form
realise
passion
Correct article usage
a passion
on
physics. Change preposition
for
By
Change preposition
Through
this
experience, I can happily dug
up my other potentials and Change the verb form
dig
found
my interest in social sciences. So, I Wrong verb form
find
am totally agree
that we are the Change the verb form
totally agree
one
who should create and define our Correct pronoun usage
ones
happiness
without getting attached to others.
On the other sides, there are kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
people
who tend to rely Change preposition
on their
their
Change the word
the
happiness
on
others. Change preposition
of
For instance
, when my friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
was
broke up with her ex-boyfriend, she cried all night long. After that, she did not want to eat and lack of sleep. As can be expected, she was ill and she said that she Unnecessary verb
apply
can
not live without her ex-boyfriend because she was really in love with him. Wrong verb form
could
Thus
, when people
too depend on someone or things, they can not make their happiness
moments.
Replace the word
happy
To sum up
, both sides have explained if
Correct word choice
that
people
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
to make
themselves happy Change preposition
for making
while
if they do not do that. If Correct word choice
apply
people
are dependence
on external things that possibly make them hurt Replace the word
dependent
instead
of happy, therefore
it is clear to create our own happiness
.Submitted by wishmeluck on
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coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to improve the overall readability and sophistication of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your paragraphs are logically connected to each other.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence to make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further to show a deeper understanding of both perspectives before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to its logical structure.
task achievement
The use of personal experiences makes the essay more engaging and relatable.