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Band 4.5

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contemporary society , a large population is seen in the
citiesas
Correct your spelling
cities as
cities
 compared to local
areas
.Many people opt for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
 life
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 around the world.In
this
 essay ,I am going to discuss the reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why many people are turning against
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and give positive and negative aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
city
 life. Currently, many people are relocating to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 in search of employment.
This
 is because there are so many opportunities in urban
areas
 than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
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areas
.The nearer you move to
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 , the easier you get
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
.
In addition
 to that they are looking for the best schools for their children since they perceive that those ones in rural are not quality
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in terms of language development and learning resources.Nearness to health facilities and good infrastructure is another major reason for relocation.
Furthermore
,insecurity in cities has become an issue of threat . It has become difficult to manage
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
theft
Correct word choice
since theft
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major concern to many.The larger the population the
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 in crime rates.Environmental pollution is increasing
thus
 leading to poor living standards.
On the contrary
, rural
areas
is
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are
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 the source of sufficient food production .
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 large dairy farms are abandoned.
This
 movement has created less productivity since less manpower is left in the
countryside
 .
This
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to low economic
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 in many countries. In my opinion, I think
this
 movement has more negative impact than positive since
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 is where more food production
is comes
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from and for the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy to grow the population should be maintained in rural
areas
.
Submitted by joycechumbaa86 on

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Grammar
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy. Try to avoid small grammatical mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Detail
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to support your points. This will make the essay more convincing and detailed.
Cohesion
Include more transition words and phrases to improve flow and make the essay easier to follow. This will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
Structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Clarity
The main idea of the essay is clearly presented and well-understood. The writer attempts to balance both positive and negative aspects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: