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Writing Samples
Band 6

The fisrt chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.

The fisrt chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.
#fisrt #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #enegy
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The first
chart
Use synonyms
 below demonstrates
an
Correct article usage
the
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 average
contribution
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 of
energy
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 in Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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,
while
Linking Words
 the second illustration gives data about the differences between
gas
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 emissions which result from
this
Linking Words
energy
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 use. As an
overall
Linking Words
 trend, the general percentage of
gas
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emission’s
Change noun form
emission
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 production was more than
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 percentage of
energy
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contribution
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with house heating, it was the most
energy
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 consuming
usage
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 and covered 42% of
Use synonyms
chart
Add an article
the chart
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of
energy
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’s
contribution
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 , the amount of
gas
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 production was less by more than two times. The following major segment was water heating,
usage
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 of
energy
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 took nearly a third of the pie
chart
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,
as a result
Linking Words
, there was a tiny fraction or rather 2% of
difference
Add an article
the difference
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.
Also
Linking Words
, other different applications used 15% of
energy
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the percentage of
gas
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 emissions was a little less than 30%. As the diagrams suggest, the insignificant piece of
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chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
occupied
Add a missing verb
is occupied
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 by refrigeration and it used only 7% of
energy
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,
as a result
Linking Words
 of the
energy
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usage
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 was created
gas
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emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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, which was more by two times.
Thereafter
Linking Words
 was lightning and it covered 4% of
energy
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contribution
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 ;
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 there was 8% of
gas
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 emission. The tiniest portion of
Use synonyms
chart
Add an article
the chart
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 had
cooling
Change the verb form
cooled
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 and it amounted to 2% of
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usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of
energy
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,
moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 was the smallest part of
Use synonyms
gas
Correct article usage
the gas
show examples
emission’s
Change noun form
emission
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, as a result, in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, contribution, energy, gas, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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