IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The fisrt chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.

The fisrt chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this enegy use.
#fisrt #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #enegy
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The first
chart
 below demonstrates
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average
contribution
 of
energy
 in Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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,
while
 the second illustration gives data about the differences between
gas
 emissions which result from
this
energy
 use. As an
overall
 trend, the general percentage of
gas
emission’s
Change noun form
emission
show examples
 production was more than
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 percentage of
energy
contribution
.
To begin
 with house heating, it was the most
energy
 consuming
usage
 and covered 42% of
chart
Add an article
the chart
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.
In contrast
,
as a consequence
 of
energy
’s
contribution
 , the amount of
gas
 production was less by more than two times. The following major segment was water heating,
usage
 of
energy
 took nearly a third of the pie
chart
,
as a result
, there was a tiny fraction or rather 2% of
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
.
Also
, other different applications used 15% of
energy
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the percentage of
gas
 emissions was a little less than 30%. As the diagrams suggest, the insignificant piece of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
occupied
Add a missing verb
is occupied
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 by refrigeration and it used only 7% of
energy
,
as a result
 of the
energy
usage
 was created
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
, which was more by two times.
Thereafter
 was lightning and it covered 4% of
energy
contribution
 ;
in
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 there was 8% of
gas
 emission. The tiniest portion of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 had
cooling
Change the verb form
cooled
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 and it amounted to 2% of
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of
energy
,
moreover
, it
also
 was the smallest part of
gas
Correct article usage
the gas
show examples
emission’s
Change noun form
emission
show examples
chart
.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, as a result, in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, contribution, energy, gas, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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