IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many children today are overweight and suffer health issues. Give reasons to explain this problem and solutions to help fix it.

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The world has drastically changed from the past. Today many
children
Use synonyms
 are extremely overweight. The result of
this
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 leads to poor health, which can lead to problems.
This
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 essay will explain the reasons for obesity and give solutions to address these health issues. There are numerous reasons why young people nowadays are becoming overweight.
First,
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fast food restaurants have a major impact on
this
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 problem. Many families rely on fast food as their main source of meals for their
children
Use synonyms
.
Second,
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the lack of physical activity plays a major role.
For example
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, in Kuwait, many parents do not try to encourage their
todlers
Correct your spelling
toddlers
 to exercise.
Finally
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, the new generation is overwhelmingly addicted to their tablets.
Due to
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 the rise of technology, they are using tablets all the time and that makes them lazy and overweight.
However
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, there are
also
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 several solutions to combat these issues.
First,
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families are supposed to cook for their
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, healthy
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
 meals can be easily and quickly prepared. They will be just as tasty as fast food.
Second,
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everyone should be encouraged to participate in physical activities. Enrolling
children
Use synonyms
 in martial arts classes,
such
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 as jujutsu or judo, could be a great idea for their
overall
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 health.
Finally
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, reducing the screen time for
todlers
Correct your spelling
toddlers
 is important. Parents should not allow them to sit in front of the screen for an inordinate amount of time. It is imperative that they
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
put a limit
for
Change preposition
on
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 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tablets. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons that explain why
children
Use synonyms
 are overweight and unhealthy. It is obvious to see that there are many available solutions to alleviate the problem.

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task achievement
Your essay covers all aspects of the task, but try to provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure all points are elaborated thoroughly to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. You can use more linking phrases to connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are strong, make sure your main points are consistently well-supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the problem and sets up your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of Kuwait and suggestions for martial arts.
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