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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that some type of criminals should not go to prison, instead they should do unpaid work in the community. To what extent do you agree?

#people #type #criminals #prison #work #community
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Nowadays, there are many types of criminals,
such
Linking Words
 as robbery violence, etc.
And in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 the opinion of some persons, the prisoners with easy ones, it is necessary to go to free
work
Use synonyms
 without paying and convince them to be through the community. I prefer to agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for some reasons.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting
time
Use synonyms
, they must help their country and spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on something useful. The second is that the local government must pay for all outcomes, and
this
Linking Words
 money comes from taxpayers. On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
 is the first reason. Why do normal people in the safe have to pay the taxes, and part of these will go to prison and other needs of convicts? I would never choose to give my earnings to others who cannot give the helpings in their own area.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they are at
work
Use synonyms
 and bring pluses, the government's coffers will go to education or the salary of freedom humans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is the
last
Linking Words
 reason. What they can do in the cage despite wasting
time
Use synonyms
 or, in the best way, reading books? If they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do the same things as normal workers from firms, they can serve their country, and if they can choose what job they will do, they can spend
time
Use synonyms
 with interest. If they can
work
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar timeline like others in freedom it will be
plus
Correct article usage
a plus
show examples
 for
themself
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion, I would say that there are many causes why prisoners with less difficult punishment have to go to
work
Use synonyms
 in prison.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you provide a clear thesis in your introduction and establish your stance more definitively. This helps in presenting a comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear logical sequence within and between your paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and focus on conveying your ideas clearly and concisely. This will help in improving the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and presented a clear perspective, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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