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Band 5.5

Some parents give house chores to their children to develop their characters and self-sufficiency, while some do not. Discuss both views and give your own opinion!

#parents #house #chores #children #characters #self-sufficiency #do
Recently, some
parents
encourage
Wrong verb form
have encouraged
show examples
 their
children
 to be more independent at an early stage by educating them on basic
skills
. The question is, is it necessary for
children
 to learn
this
 at very young
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Some argue that toddlers need to spend their time exploring new things or focusing on games.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, there is a
counter argument
Correct your spelling
counterargument
show examples
 that
children
 need to learn basic life
skills
 as long as they learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in a fun way. From the point of view of people who oppose
this
 idea that
children
 are forced to play more rather than try learning basic
skills
. They believe that
children
 will know how to do it when
children
 are getting older.
Moreover
, a parent's job is to ensure their
kids
 have good memories,
that is
 their mindset.
In addition
, some
activities
 are dangerous
activities
 if
parents
 can not monitor them.
Conversely
, new
parents
 have different perspectives.
Firstly
, They believe that the earlier the better. If they teach house chores to their
kids
 later, maybe their
kids
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 much busier and need to focus on school or extracurricular
activities
. They do not have sufficient time to learn these
skills
.
Secondly
, learning to wash dishes,
for example
, is a sensory activity. So, their
kids
 can develop their sensory or
motoric
Correct your spelling
motor
show examples
 development. They can gain 2 benefits
while
 doing 1 activity, motoric and life
skills
 development. I tend to agree that learning
household
Change preposition
about household
show examples
activities
 earlier is good. As
parents
, we never know what will happen in the future. What we can do is just prepare our
kids
 to be independent, and it can start from the smallest or the most basic one, house chores.
However
, it would be better
that
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 we provide fun
activities
 for them to learn these
skills
.
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on

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task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both views and giving a personal opinion. However, ensure to maintain a balanced discussion by giving equal weight to both sides of the argument.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples to illustrate your arguments. For instance, mentioning particular chores and how they relate to character building could strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical sequencing of ideas to enhance the overall coherence. Linking sentences and using transition words adeptly can make the essay smoother and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by making sure each paragraph has a distinct main idea that is thoroughly explored before moving to the next paragraph. This will help readers follow your points more easily.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and presents the two viewpoints clearly, giving the reader a clear understanding of the topic from the outset.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present and effectively summarizes the discussion while providing the writer’s opinion, which adds strength to the essay’s overall structure.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and responds directly to the question. It clearly presents the writer's stance and provides reasons for the opinion stated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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