Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance

this

21st century, every individual is in the race to make more

money

than everyone

Rephrase

else.

show examples

People

think that in achieving happiness

money

plays a vital role. In

this

essay, I will discuss the ways how important

money

is to be happy.

To begin

with, there are several points for it, the first and foremost is a lifestyle change. There is a big difference in the lifestyle of poor and rich

people

. Rich

people

can afford anything for themselves ,

Whereas

poor

people

have to do labour work or some other work to fulfil their daily needs. Everyone wants to make

money

for their children's better future, for fulfilling family' demands.

For instance

, a survey done by companies shows,

Correct word choice

that 15

show examples

% per cent of the

mass

Fix the agreement mistake

masses

show examples

are ending their life because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Change preposition

of a

show examples

lack of

money

. And

that is

increasing every year. So, there is no doubt that, for staying happy

money

is important. The other reason is good education. The fees of schools and universities are very high and poor and even, middle-class families face difficulties managing

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Some

Correct your spelling

Sometimes

show examples

, times students to under stress when they don't get the college or university admission

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

they want because of the higher amount of fees.

Furthermore

, with

money

mass can travel to any country or anywhere with their families which gives them happiness and increases their bonds with each other. If it comes to

people

who don't have

money

, they suffer every time for their children's studies or for their needs.

However

, the only thing

money

cannot buy is good health.

For example

, if someone is in the fourth stage of cancer,

money

or something else cannot help to give them the life they had before. In conclusion, for living a good lifestyle and fulfilling dreams

money

is very crucial but there are some things which

money

can't buy which as good health.

Submitted by kaursaijbir on Tue Sep 24 2024

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task response

Ensure consistency in maintaining the formal tone throughout the essay. Phrases such as 'mass can travel' can be replaced with 'people can travel', or 'individuals can travel'.

coherence cohesion

Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors, such as 'For fulfilling family' demands.' - which should be 'For fulfilling their family's demands.'

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a good framework for the essay.

task response

The essay provides relevant examples to support the main ideas, making the points clearer.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

facilitation
foundational
comfort
financial stability
pursue hobbies
passionate
fulfilling
satisfying
financial security
peace of mind
mental well-being
fostering
social connections
fulfillment
material possessions
lasting memories
satisfaction
diminishing returns
wealth
translate
significant

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Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs.

Environmental issues such as climate change have always been an international problem because governments are not imposing harsh punishments against offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Nowadays, more and more people ffrom different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.

At present times, the population of some countries include a relative number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?