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Band 5.5

Some people believe that automation can help positively transform the economy. Others think otherwise, claiming that it may imply serious economic consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #automation #economy #consequences
A large number of individuals think that
automation
 can aid
plus
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 convert the economy.
While
 others suppose to the contrary, requiring that it may involve heavy economic investigations. In my mind, there are many reasons why folks approve that
automation
 can lead to strong damage. In the
last
 few decades,
automation
 has entered the mainstream of many societies, most notably in the western countries. The fundamental loss of
automation
 is unemployment severely reflected in the economic state and high capital expenditure. It
also
 promotes layoffs that have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
displaced oceans of workers by contemporary technologies.
Additionally
, ongoing maintenance costs required to invest in automated machines
also
 lead to a huge waste of cash.
On the other hand
, the other side of individuals counts on the affirmative side of
automation
. There are a plethora of assertive outcomes, but the primary reason for
automation
 is reducing both the costs and prices of goods and services and making consumers feel richer.
Moreover
, reducing the risk of human error in common daily tasks,
automation
 gives predictable and repeatable processes for managing configurations to improve consistency and speed changes.
Also
,
automation
 yields humans an opportunity to be relieved from hazardous or unpleasant tasks. It is already recognized that
automation
 has a great influence on the global economic state. Nowadays,
automation
 includes various equipment and control systems,
such
 as factory processes and machinery.
Overall
, a handful of people consider only a staid rendering of
automation
 on the economy.
While
 others expect diverse sequelas of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 status.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
Aim to provide specific and detailed examples to support your main points. Instead of general statements, concrete examples can make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one point to the next. Use more connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
general writing
Some sections of your essay have awkward phrasing or grammatical errors. Review and improve the clarity and accuracy of your language.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your essay.
content balance
You covered both views regarding automation in a balanced manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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