IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that newspapers should be allowed to publish details of politicians' private lives, while others argue that this is an invasion of privacy. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that journalists are able to expose
politician's
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians'
show examples
 private matters in the news platforms,
while
Linking Words
 others deem it as
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 matters invasion. There are benefits from discovering public
figure's
Change the noun form
figures
figure
show examples
 personally
such
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 as understanding the public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 backgrounds that may be related to the
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
.
However
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, there are
also
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 some
adverses
Correct your spelling
adverse
 from
over exposing
Correct your spelling
overexposing
show examples
 one's personal life that may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to crime. In general,
politicians
Use synonyms
' private lives
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been intentionally exposed to entice public
votes
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. Through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media publicity,
general
Add an article
the general
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 public will value whether certain
politicians
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 have
similarity
Fix the agreement mistake
similarities
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 with common people.
Hence
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, the more similar they are the more
votes
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 they
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
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 because they
deemed
Add a missing verb
are deemed
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 as a conform representative of people's voices. In a way, exposing
Use synonyms
politicians
Change noun form
politicians'
politician's
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 personal life will be beneficial for them in gaining
votes
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simultaneously
Correct word choice
and simultaneously
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 help the public to comprehend whether
politicians
Use synonyms
' political views align to represent public interests.
However
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, publicity can be a
double-edge
Correct your spelling
double-edged
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 sword as it has
a
Correct article usage
the
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 potential to lead it into criminality.
Over exposing
Add a hyphen
Over-exposing
show examples
 one's personal life,
moreover
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 which
instigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
instigates
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 public anger,
such
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 as flaunting
lavish
Correct article usage
a lavish
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 lifestyle might undermine the
politicians
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' objective to gain
votes
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.
For example
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,
Use synonyms
politicians'
Change noun form
politicians
show examples
 who show off their wealth by making a home tour content.
Instead
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 of gaining
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
, the
Use synonyms
politicians'
Change noun form
politicians
show examples
 will lose their personal space and prone to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 of criminality
such
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 as
bulgarly
Correct your spelling
burglary
vulgarly
. Even, to some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 the
politicans
Correct your spelling
politicians
 will
instead
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 become public enemies and will end up losing
votes
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.
To conclude
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, it is acceptable for
politicians
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 to have media publicity as a tool for gaining
votes
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.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 should be more prudent in choosing what to share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to explicitly state both points of view in the introduction. This will set a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This can be achieved by using more transitional phrases, which will help improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on each point made. A thorough discussion will demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives adequately, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are presented clearly and logically, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay, providing a clear closing statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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