IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #changes #amount #type #food #australian #teenagers #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given graph shows the number and the category of fast food preferred by Australian youngsters from 1975 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, hamburgers' rates started off very poorly but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 kept skyrocketing during the given period of time. Pizza's rates
also
Linking Words
 experienced the same great increase, in spite of no changes in the
last
Linking Words
 few years. Meanwhile, fish and chips' ratings went down drastically, becoming the least preferred aspect out of all three.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1975, hamburgers were not too trendy among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Aussie teenagers with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption numbers of approximately 10
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, after just a decade,
this
Linking Words
 fast food type's amount of
ingestions
Fix the agreement mistake
ingestion
show examples
 increased dramatically up to more than 80
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 on average.
Then
Linking Words
, it kept slowly going up to more than 100
times
Use synonyms
 annually in 2000. Pizza ratings started off with the lowest number of
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 than 10
times
Use synonyms
 per annual cycle. Commencing at the bottom, it grew exponentially over 2 decades until 1995,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it reached its peak of more than 80
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 and stayed at that amount for 5 years.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fish and chips
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most preferable fast food type with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 consumption
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
 of 100
times
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it got a minor decrease and another unsignificant increase after 10 years, it continued going down tremendously, eventually ending its way with the number of 40
times
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words times, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • trends
  • consumption
  • type of fast food
  • popularity
  • peaked
  • hit a low
  • timeline
  • notable
  • switch
  • cultural trends
  • economic factors
  • marketing efforts
  • increase
  • decrease
What to do next:
Look at other essays: