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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The charts below give information about the amount of electricity used. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #amount #electricity #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart above depicts information about
total
Add an article
the total
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 amount of
electricity
 used
while
 the line graph illustrates the daily demand for
electricity
.
Overall
, it can be seen that both of them show totally different data.
Furthermore
, the daily demand for
electricity
 in winter is higher than in summer. Meanwhile, people
most
Correct your spelling
mostly
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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 it for heating rooms or heating water.
Firstly
, the number of units of
electricity
 that used during
winter
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the winter
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 season was fluctuated. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started with more than 30000
then
ease
Wrong verb form
eased
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 to
decreasedand
Correct your spelling
decreased and
decreased
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
show examples
 again. Even, the range was about 30000 until 49000. On the other side, in summer, people only need around 10000 up to 20000 per day for
electricity
.
Secondly
, half of the bar chart was dominated by heating rooms and heating water.
Moreover
, 17.5 per cent
from
Change preposition
of
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 100 per cent was
alocated
Correct your spelling
allocated
 for ovens, kettles, and washing machines. After that, the rest of it was saved for lighting, TV, radio, vacuum cleaners, food mixers,
electric
Correct word choice
and electric
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 tools. Respectively, 15 per cent.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Electricity consumption
  • Kilowatt-hours (kWh)
  • Energy demand
  • Power grid
  • Renewable energy sources
  • Non-renewable energy sources
  • Sustainable consumption
  • Conservation efforts
  • Industrial sector
  • Residential sector
  • Commercial sector
  • Fluctuation
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Efficiency improvements
  • Seasonal variation
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