The charts below give information about the amount of electricity used. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the amount of electricity used. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart above depicts information about
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
used
while
Linking Words
the line graph illustrates the daily demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both of them show totally different data.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the daily demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
in winter is higher than in summer. Meanwhile, people
most
Correct your spelling
mostly
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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it for heating rooms or heating water.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of units of
electricity
Use synonyms
that used during
winter
Add an article
the winter
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season was fluctuated. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started with more than 30000
then
Linking Words
ease
Wrong verb form
eased
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to
decreasedand
Correct your spelling
decreased and
decreased
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
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again. Even, the range was about 30000 until 49000. On the other side, in summer, people only need around 10000 up to 20000 per day for
electricity
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, half of the bar chart was dominated by heating rooms and heating water.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 17.5 per cent
from
Change preposition
of
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100 per cent was
alocated
Correct your spelling
allocated
for ovens, kettles, and washing machines. After that, the rest of it was saved for lighting, TV, radio, vacuum cleaners, food mixers,
electric
Correct word choice
and electric
show examples
tools. Respectively, 15 per cent.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Electricity consumption
  • Kilowatt-hours (kWh)
  • Energy demand
  • Power grid
  • Renewable energy sources
  • Non-renewable energy sources
  • Sustainable consumption
  • Conservation efforts
  • Industrial sector
  • Residential sector
  • Commercial sector
  • Fluctuation
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Efficiency improvements
  • Seasonal variation
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