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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

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Introduction
Countries use different methods to pay for
health
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care
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. In some places, medical
services
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 are funded by the government,
while
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 in others,
individuals
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 are responsible for paying their own expenses. Both systems have significant advantages and disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
The main benefit of government-funded
health
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care
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 is that everyone can receive medical
treatment
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 regardless of their financial situation. People from low-income families can visit doctors and receive necessary
treatment
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 without worrying about the cost.
This
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 may
also
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 encourage patients to seek help at an early stage, preventing minor
health
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 problems from becoming more serious.
However
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, providing free
health
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care
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 places considerable pressure on government budgets. The money must usually be collected through taxes, meaning that even healthy
individuals
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 contribute to the
treatment
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 of others.
Furthermore
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, public hospitals may become overcrowded, leading to long waiting times and a lower quality of service.
Body paragraph 2
A system in which
individuals
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 pay for their own
health
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care
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also
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 offers certain benefits. Private hospitals and clinics often compete with each other, which may encourage them to provide better
services
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, modern equipment and shorter waiting times.
This
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 system
also
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 reduces government expenditure and allows public money to be spent on other important areas,
such
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 as education and transport.
Nevertheless
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, the greatest disadvantage is that some people may be unable to afford essential
treatment
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. Low-income
individuals
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 might delay visiting a doctor,
while
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 those who develop a serious illness could face severe financial difficulties.
As a result
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, access to
health
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care
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 may depend on wealth rather than medical need.
Conclusion
In conclusion, government-funded
health
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care
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 provides equal access but can be expensive and inefficient,
whereas
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 individually funded
care
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 may offer faster and higher-quality
services
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 but create serious inequality.
Therefore
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, a combined system may be the most effective approach, with governments covering essential
treatment
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while
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individuals
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 contribute towards additional or non-essential
services
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.

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task response
You cover both systems well and give clear good and bad points. To make the ideas stronger, add one short real-life example for each system, such as a poor family getting care early or a patient paying a high bill.
task response
Your last paragraph gives a clear final view. You could explain a little more why basic care should be paid for by the state and why extra care could be paid for by the person.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each main paragraph has one clear focus, and the order of ideas is good.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “However”, “Furthermore”, “Nevertheless”, and “As a result”. You can also use a few links that show cause more clearly, for example “because of this” or “for this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some points could be joined more closely. For example, after saying that public hospitals are full, explain that this can make people wait longer for tests or care.
task response
You answer all parts of the question. You discuss the good and bad sides of both state-paid and self-paid health care.
task response
Your ideas are clear and fair. You show that one system can give equal care, while the other can give faster care but may leave poor people behind.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states the topic, and the final paragraph brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph plan is strong: state-paid care first, self-paid care next, then a final view. This makes the writing simple to read.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial burden
  • preventive care
  • taxpayer expense
  • wait times
  • overuse
  • competition
  • personal responsibility
  • inequality in access
  • financial devastation
  • necessary care
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