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Writing Samples
Band 5

As the result of tourisms and the incresing number of people traveling, there's an growing demand for more flights. What problems does it have on the enviroment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?

#tourisms #people #demand #flights #enviroment #measures
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Rising
Correct article usage
The rising
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demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
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people
Use synonyms
 travelling has affected a number of
flights
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.
However
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, the significant
demand
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of
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for
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flights
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 might cause some environmental problems,
such
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 as air pollution which should be encountered by some solutions which will be examined in
this
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 essay. First of all, a massive
demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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flights
Use synonyms
 will cause more air pollution because plane releases the highest amount of carbon emissions per
passengers
Fix the agreement mistake
passenger
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, compared to buses or trains.
This
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 is because most of
Use synonyms
planes
Add an article
the planes
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, particularly on commercial
planes
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, are still using fossil fuels as their primary resources. Even though some researchers have
taken
Verb problem
done
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 some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 on electric
planes
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 or
by
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apply
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using other sustainable fuels, the
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
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 are quite difficult to
be converted
Wrong verb form
convert
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due to
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 many
constrains
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constraints
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 that affect
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 safety,
such
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 as minimum weights and battery capacity.
Therefore
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, in order to solve the problem, the government should take an important role by encouraging
people
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 to choose other clean transportation modes,
such
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 as trains and electric buses. By giving some incentives and campaigns, tourists will tend to choose other transportation modes.
Furthermore
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, the government can encourage
people
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 to go
their
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to their
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 local travel destinations.
As a result
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourists do not have to travel by
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planes
Fix the agreement mistake
plane
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 and choose their local destinations to travel.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 solution will
also
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 have positive impacts
to
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on
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 the economy of local communities. In conclusion, a significant
demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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flights
Use synonyms
 will have negative impacts on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 because
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
planes
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 are still using fossil fuels that release high
amount
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amounts
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 of carbon emissions.
Hence
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, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should take some
actions
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action
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 by encouraging
people
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 to use other cleaner
transportations
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transportation
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 and promote their local destinations to reduce travelling.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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task achievement
Your response to the task is clear and comprehensive, but you could further improve by providing more examples and details to support your main points. This would give the reader more concrete evidence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure and make use of complex sentences to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. This can help in making your argument more compelling and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and give a clear framework to your essay. This helps in providing a logical structure to your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question effectively, offering a clear response to the environmental problems associated with increased flights and suggesting viable solutions.
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