IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods . This is having a negative effects on both families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #foods #effects #families #societies
It is common to switch from local
food
 to worldwide fast
food
 nowadays and it affects negatively the community.
This
 essay completely agrees with the statement. It causes diseases and makes people similar to each other. First of all, fast
food
 spreads diseases rapidly
due to
 quick cooking and storage its meets. The way of making the
food
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not healthy and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 destroys the benefits
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the good i
Submitted by danall1kat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the stance and outlining the main points to be discussed in the essay. This will provide a roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
Develop stronger topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments. This will enhance the logical structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on the points you make with more detailed explanations and examples. Currently, the essay lacks depth in the main points, which affects clarity and comprehension.
relevant specific examples
Ensure you provide relevant, specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and provides a clear stance that traditional foods being replaced by fast foods has negative effects on society.
coherence cohesion
The use of simple language and straightforward structure makes the essay easy to understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • culinary practices
  • prevalent
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • diet-related health issues
  • economic challenges
  • street food vendors
  • family dynamics
  • on-the-go
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable
  • eco-friendly
  • homogenization
  • foodscapes
  • agricultural diversity
  • biodiversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: