The natural resources, such as oil, forests, and water, are being consumed at an alarming rate, what problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?
In
modern
world, the consumption of natural Add an article
the modern
resources
is at an
never-before-seen pace. Change the article
a
This
has caused a lot of negative consequences to
the environment. In my opinion, there are many solutions we can deal with Change preposition
for
this
issue.
To begin
with, consuming natural resources
such
as oil
and forest
at a rapid pace Fix the agreement mistake
forests
lead
to severe problems. In terms of deforestation, cutting down Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
tree
for agriculture or other purposes Fix the agreement mistake
trees
such
as expanding road infrastructure arouse
the loss and disruption of natural habitats and living individuals. Amazon is home Correct subject-verb agreement
arouses
for
30% of the planet’s biodiversity but between 2001 and 2020, it lost more than 54 million hectares Change preposition
to
forest
Change preposition
of forest
lead
to over 10.000 species Wrong verb form
leading
are
at high risk of extinction. Wrong verb form
being
Furthermore
, every households
Change to a singular noun
household
have
at least one personal vehicle using Correct subject-verb agreement
has
oil
to operate, thus
the overused crude oil
and also
the carbon emissions. Many regions now have to deal with searing heat and temperatures soar above the average summer, other
areas have to suffer from widespread flooding.
To tackle Correct word choice
and other
this
problem, proactive measures by the authorities and so does
the Correct subject-verb agreement
do
civilian
need to be taken. On the government Fix the agreement mistake
civilians
levels
, stringent policies must be banned to get rid of Fix the agreement mistake
level
deforestation
crisis. In today’s modern society, people should raise awareness and propaganda by using social networking Correct article usage
the deforestation
site
. On the residence side, buying a hybrid car, which can use alternative energy Fix the agreement mistake
sites
instead
of oil
or installed solar heating could reduce the carbon footprint by using fossilized fuels. In addition
, several steps could be taken by government
and individuals to solve these.
In conclusion, despite of essential natural Correct article usage
the government
resources
bring
into our Wrong verb form
brought
life
, there are a lot of alternative energy Fix the agreement mistake
lives
resources
can
be developed.Correct pronoun usage
that can
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the issue but could benefit from more in-depth analysis and a clearer presentation of your main points.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point in your essay directly supports your argument and is backed by specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your paragraphs. Some ideas appear abruptly and could be linked more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Consider dividing your essay into more paragraphs for better clarity. For example, each solution could have its own paragraph.
task achievement
You have successfully identified key problems that the consumption of natural resources is causing, such as deforestation and the overuse of oil.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the deforestation of the Amazon and the risk of species extinction, which make your argument more compelling.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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