IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook, Zalo,...) have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #zalo #impact #individuals #society
Nowadays, most of the interpersonal communication takes place online. More and more
people
 decide to use social
media
 rather than meet face-to-face with friends. I believe, that
such
 an approach has a negative impact on individuals
as well as
society
. There have been many examples that prove my point. The most significant of them is the fact that social networking sites make
people
 more isolated from each other.
For instance
, since it is much more convenient to communicate via the Internet, many individuals prefer to stay at home and chat with their relatives,
consequently
, becoming alienated from the rest of
society
.
Furthermore
, it makes
people
 lazy. Normally, if you want to hang out with your friends you have to prepare yourself, leave home, and be more organised in general;
in contrast
,
while
 using social
media
 all you need to do is take your mobile device and send a text.
In addition
,
such
 an approach has
also
 many relevant drawbacks for
society
.
Firstly
,
people
 stop trusting each other in real life. Since all normal interactions are replaced by social
media
,
people
 no longer feel the necessity to care about each other in the real world,
therefore
, social bands are disappearing.
Moreover
, they may start to feel endangered by each other. Networking sites not only
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
allow for communication but
also
 constitute a place where social polarization grows, as
people
 feel less responsible for what they write online, which can result in tensions between them. In conclusion, depriving yourself of the opportunity to speak with others in the real world has many significant disadvantages.
While
 individuals can become more isolated and lazy, the whole
society
 can suffer from a lack of trust and an increase in polarization;
thus
, in my opinion, social
media
 have an
overall
 negative influence.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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language
To achieve higher scores, you could enhance the essay by introducing more varied vocabulary and sentence structures. This would make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task response
Another improvement can be made by including counterarguments and then refuting them. This would show a more balanced and critical understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the author's viewpoint.
task response
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, giving strength to the arguments made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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