Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
There is an ongoing issue that there is a huge amount of harmful content
is
available on the Unnecessary verb
apply
internet
. They believe that the
Correct article usage
apply
government
involvement is the only viable solution to made
the Change the form of the verb
make
internet
safe for people by blocking the content of websites
. I firmly believe that these type
of harmful sites should be blocked and ensure that only Fix the agreement mistake
types
18 plus
adults can have access to Add a hyphen
18-plus
internet
and social Add an article
the internet
media
.
Nowadays, internet
Correct article usage
the internet
are
full of harmful posts. There are various vulgar Change the verb form
is
websites
on the
digital Correct article usage
apply
media
which are the reason behind various crimes in the
society Correct article usage
apply
such
as rapes, harassment, sexual blackmailing etc. For example
, recent studies in the USA has
shown that there is around Change the verb form
have
70
% increase in Rape cases Correct article usage
a 70
compare
to the previous decades. Wrong verb form
compared
Additionally
, rapists admit that they are addicted to the
porn which made them to do Correct article usage
apply
this
kind of heinous crime. Moreover
, government
officials should ban these websites
from the internet
and arrest their creators and owners.
Young children, For instance
, are using social media
daily. The excessive use of digital media
made them lazy and addicted to mobile phones. Furthermore
, this
addiction is bad not only for their mental health as well as
for their physical health. Hence
, the government
should verify a person before creating any individual social media
account. For example
, Facebook launched their new Verification system for new users. Only real 18-plus adults can use Facebook,
because they have to show their ID Card.
In Conclusion, the most viable solution is that the organizations can restrict the Remove the comma
apply
websites
which are the causes of many serious crime
in the local community. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
Furthermore
, the government
can allow the usage of social media
to only 18 plus adults.Submitted by kirivlogs0 on
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task achievement
The essay needs a clearer thesis statement. While the writer outlines their stance, the central argument should be more explicitly stated in the introduction to help guide the reader.
task achievement
There are grammatical inaccuracies that slightly hinder readability. Proofreading the essay for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and other grammar issues can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Some ideas could be developed further. For example, the point about children using social media and becoming lazy could benefit from more specific examples or data to make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be refined. Some points could be arranged better to ensure a smooth flow from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas. More connectives like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'For instance' using a greater variety can improve the cohesion.
task achievement
The writer presents a clear position on the topic of internet censorship, making it evident what their stance is from the beginning.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, such as the reference to the study in the USA and Facebook's verification system, which helps to support the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and perform their roles effectively. The conclusion sums up the main arguments well and reinforces the writer's stance.
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