IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

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There is an ongoing issue that there is a huge amount of harmful content
is
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apply
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available on the
internet
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. They believe that
the
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apply
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government
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 involvement is the only viable solution to
made
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make
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 the
internet
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 safe for people by blocking the content of
websites
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. I firmly believe that these
type
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types
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 of harmful sites should be blocked and ensure that only
18 plus
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18-plus
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 adults can have access to
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internet
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the internet
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 and social
media
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. Nowadays,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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are
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is
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 full of harmful posts. There are various vulgar
websites
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 on
the
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apply
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digital
media
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 which are the reason behind various crimes in
the
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apply
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society
such
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 as rapes, harassment, sexual blackmailing etc.
For example
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, recent studies in the USA
has
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have
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 shown that there is around
70
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a 70
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% increase in Rape cases
compare
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compared
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 to the previous decades.
Additionally
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, rapists admit that they are addicted to
the
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apply
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porn which made them to do
this
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 kind of heinous crime.
Moreover
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,
government
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 officials should ban these
websites
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 from the
internet
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 and arrest their creators and owners. Young children,
For instance
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, are using social
media
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 daily. The excessive use of digital
media
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 made them lazy and addicted to mobile phones.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 addiction is bad not only for their mental health
as well as
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 for their physical health.
Hence
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, the
government
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 should verify a person before creating any individual social
media
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 account.
For example
Linking Words
, Facebook launched their new Verification system for new users. Only real 18-plus adults can use Facebook
,
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apply
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 because they have to show their ID Card. In Conclusion, the most viable solution is that the organizations can restrict the
websites
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 which are the causes of many serious
crime
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crimes
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 in the local community.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 can allow the usage of social
media
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 to only 18 plus adults.

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task achievement
The essay needs a clearer thesis statement. While the writer outlines their stance, the central argument should be more explicitly stated in the introduction to help guide the reader.
task achievement
There are grammatical inaccuracies that slightly hinder readability. Proofreading the essay for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and other grammar issues can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Some ideas could be developed further. For example, the point about children using social media and becoming lazy could benefit from more specific examples or data to make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be refined. Some points could be arranged better to ensure a smooth flow from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas. More connectives like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'For instance' using a greater variety can improve the cohesion.
task achievement
The writer presents a clear position on the topic of internet censorship, making it evident what their stance is from the beginning.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, such as the reference to the study in the USA and Facebook's verification system, which helps to support the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and perform their roles effectively. The conclusion sums up the main arguments well and reinforces the writer's stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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