The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The importance of performing arts
such
as music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
has been clearly neglected in the past decade and
thus
some people believe that the government is wasting its
money
investing in them and should put its
money
into public services
instead
. Personally,I think that
art
isn't a waste of
money
but is where the true investment lies.
To begin
,the importance of
art
isn't just limited to leisure benefits.To illustrate,it's been proven that it can act as a therapeutic relief,a
conduct
Correct your spelling
conduit
show examples
for self-expression or just a way to understand life
this
can be shown by looking into ancient civilizations,we find that those that excelled in
art
showed brilliance in all other life aspects
such
as philosophy and science.
In addition
,entertainment places
such
as theatres and museums contribute to evolving the economy of a country.
Such
that, the
money
spent is paid off. Going to the other side of the argument,there are already multiple investments from national and international corporations dedicated to the improvement of public facilities.
Therefore
,it would be more beneficial if people in charge put their
money
in the place where it's needed the most willing for the best result.
Nevertheless
,
art
has the ability to transform less evolved communities and cultures into noble ones.
This
is because
art
helps in the purification of souls and minds from all negative thoughts.
To sum up
,I am completely against those who say that
art
is a waste of
money
due to
its huge effect on the improvement of humans,communities and economies.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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task response
Clarify and expand on specific examples to enhance the essay's depth. Providing more concrete data or historical examples would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Smooth out transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. Using varied linking words can also enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are developed systematically. This helps in maintaining the logical structure of the essay.
task response
You provided a clear stance on the topic, which is well supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are mostly cohesive and logically structured, contributing to an overall solid essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
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