100 years ago, it was felt that the human race was making progress in all areas of life. Nowadays, there is less certainty that this is the case. In what areas do you think that the most progress has been made so far? In what area are more things needed to be done?

Nowadays, it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
felt that the human race
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
making progress in all areas of life.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
fields
Add a comma
fields,
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
have different
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
, but
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
people can do more things to make that area
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good progress.
To begin
with,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
have
do
Verb problem
made
show examples
a big achievement in the science and technology area,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
technology fields have a big progress. In the part,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
could
watched
Change the verb form
watch
show examples
the
TV
, but their
TV
was small,big and it was black and white.
However
, now the technology is grown
Correct your spelling
fastest
fastiest
Correct your spelling
faster
, we can watch the big
TV
and it is
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
, we not only can watch
TV
or some
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Key points such as areas with significant progress and those requiring more work should be clearly delineated. Currently, the essay focuses primarily on technological advancement, but doesn't mention other areas or areas needing improvement.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas into paragraphs for a clearer structure. Currently, there's no clear separation between different points. An essay structure generally includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph should also have a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support each point. For instance, when discussing technological advancements, mentioning smartphones or the internet in addition to TVs would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You've identified technological advancement as a key area of progress, which is a strong and relevant point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: