Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or dis agree?
One of the most controversial topics today relates to how the government should allocate their budget.
Although
some individuals claim that other fields
rather than the arts
should be supported finacially
, I totally oppose Correct your spelling
financially
this
view. In this
essay, I elaborate on my standpoint.
The primary reason why I believe that the authorities should provide monetary support to their cultural parts like the arts
is that they are volunerable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
fields
. Despite its
importance, cultural Correct pronoun usage
their
centers
Change the spelling
centres
such
as museums and art galleries, which provide citizens with opportunities to learn arts
, are not able to produce sufficient money to run them. Threfore
, if any subsidies from the authorities are cut off, they will face difficulty establishing their revenue sources, and in the worst scenario, the society will lose places to enjoy them, and it will lead to the decline of their understanding Correct your spelling
Therefore
on
the Change preposition
of
arts
.
Another justification for my view is that the art fields
function as educational institutions. not only do museums hold exhibitions but they also
take roles of preserving precious exhibits and doing research on them. In doing so, they will be
discover something new, and they can offer profound insight to visitors. Unnecessary verb
apply
In contrast
, if they are not bolstered by the government, curators are not likely to proceed their
studies. On top of Change preposition
with their
this
, their precious items will not be preserved in a suitable condition and be ruined, and they will be lost forever.
In conclusion, while
some argue that the government budget should not be spend
on the Change the form of the verb
spent
arts
but alternative
Change preposition
on alternative
fields
, I vehemently disagree with this
opinion because the art fields
are volunerable
without official support and they are vital for education.Correct your spelling
vulnerable
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how the arts contribute to societal well-being or national identity, as this could strengthen your argument even further.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammar mistakes, such as 'finacially' instead of 'financially', 'volunerable' instead of 'vulnerable', and 'threfore' instead of 'therefore', to make your essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with the consistency of terminology. For example, 'cultural parts' should be 'cultural sectors' or simply 'cultural fields'.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
Each main point is well-supported with clear and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Good logical flow from one point to the next, making the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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