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Band 5

Some people believe that university students should volunteer to benefit the community. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #students #volunteer #benefit #community
Many individuals think that the
students
 of an organization should be involved in volunteer
work
 to support
community’s
Correct article usage
the community’s
show examples
 growth. I disagree with
this
 logic and the reasons supporting my views will be discussed in detail in forthcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, the major reason for them to not
work
 is the drastic impact on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
. Owing to
work
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them will not be able to allocate enough time to focus on their exams and assignments which will be an
overall
 loss for them. It is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hard these days for
students
 to be able to manage their syllabus as there are a lot of subjects for them to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with.
As a result
, volunteering for the community may result in reduced attention to their main focus which is studying. Adding to that, another major factor is the monetary impact. Nowadays getting
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 is not as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
affordable as it used to be so
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to be able to study without
interrupts
Wrong verb form
interrupting
show examples
 some
students
 do
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
jobs
 to manage their fees and other expenses.
Hence
, they cannot be volunteering and side by side managing their
jobs
.
For instance
, it
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 found in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 education report of Texas that 73% of the total US
students
 are international immigrants and they
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
 in some restaurants or other
jobs
 to accommodate their study charges.
Therefore
, volunteering for the community will leave no room for them to
work
 their
jobs
 for their personal expenses. Agglomerating the aforementioned highlights of the essay it may seem advisable to encourage university
students
 to do unpaid
work
 for their community but looking at the downfalls of that
work
 not being paid and unproductive for them, I firmly believe they should rather
work
 on their degrees and
jobs
.
Submitted by karanmehta37872 on

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Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Some arguments seem underdeveloped.
Task Response
Consider adding more specific examples to support the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetitive language and try to use varied vocabulary where possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the essay effectively.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons for the stance taken.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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