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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people nowadays are concerned about the level of air pollution created by the number of people using air travel. They suggest it may be safer for people to use alternative forms of transportation such as road transport. To what extent do you agree that travel by road may be the safer option?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the
energy
Use synonyms
 problem is very
improtent
Correct your spelling
important
, so we
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 all
havw
Correct your spelling
have
responsibility
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
. I less agree saving
energy
Use synonyms
 is the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of the
govrenment
Correct your spelling
government
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have
Use synonyms
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
. In the world now
is
Verb problem
we do
show examples
 not have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 to give us
use
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it will affect our
lofe
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
 in the future
such
Linking Words
 as we can not cook or the car can not move, so the
government
Use synonyms
 need to do
somethings
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 to
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as to teach all people
use
Use synonyms
 less
energy
Use synonyms
 and to find some new
energys
Correct your spelling
energy
energies
such
Linking Words
 as
use
Use synonyms
 water or
Use synonyms
sun
Add an article
the sun
show examples
 to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
make
energy
Use synonyms
. If
Correct article usage
the goverenment
show examples
goverenment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
use
Use synonyms
sun
Use synonyms
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 water
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 it can save
energy
Use synonyms
 and let humans can
ave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 and it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 good for the nerment.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, if just
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
to saving
Wrong verb form
saves
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it will be slow, so
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who live in the world
also
Linking Words
 have
Use synonyms
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
. People can
use
Use synonyms
 less
energy
Use synonyms
 at home
for example
Linking Words
 they turn off
smethings
Correct your spelling
things
tey
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 don't
use
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 can put a product
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
sun
Change noun form
sun's
show examples
 heat to make
energy
Use synonyms
 outside their home to help
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 make new
energy
Use synonyms
 and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
, at school
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 can
teachthe
Correct your spelling
teach the
teach
 students what
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 us and the world about using a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
. It can let
stidents
Correct your spelling
students
 know
improtent
Correct your spelling
important
impotent
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 saving
energy
Use synonyms
, teach students
Use synonyms
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
 less
energy
Use synonyms
 and more new
reuse
Wrong verb form
reused
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sun
Use synonyms
 or water and what they can do to save
energy
Use synonyms
foe
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
examplewhen
Correct your spelling
example when
example-when
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 go outside with their family can sit
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 bus or MTR do not drive the
ar
Correct your spelling
car
show examples
foe
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 themselves. When a
lot
Use synonyms
 of people do
this
Linking Words
, that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 using a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
. At school teacher
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 students
talk
Add the particle
to talk
show examples
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 dad and mum, they do it
togrther
Correct your spelling
together
,
then
Linking Words
 it can
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To
condution
Correct your spelling
conclude
, saving
energy
Use synonyms
 is not the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of the
government
Use synonyms
, all
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who live in the
would
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 do
togrther
Correct your spelling
together
 can
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
quickiy
Correct your spelling
quickly
.

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language
Your essay should use more precise language to express your ideas clearly, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
organization
Consider structuring your paragraphs better with topic sentences and supporting details, ensuring each paragraph deals with a single main idea.
content
You should provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points, making your response more comprehensive.
content
You have identified the key responsibilities of both the government and individuals in saving energy, which is a great start.
examples
The essay contains several practical examples, such as turning off unused devices and teaching children about energy conservation.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Emissions
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Safety records
  • Accident rates
  • Fatalities
  • Infrastructure
  • Congestion
  • Maintenance
  • Economic implications
  • Feasibility
  • Practicality
  • Convenience
  • Alternative forms of transportation
  • Fuel consumption
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