IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents consider homeschooling to be way more effective compared to school teaching system. Do you agree or disagree ?

#parents #school #system
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In today's rapidly evolving world, distance learning has become a significant point of discussion. I consider
this
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 development to be completely positive and I firmly assert that
this
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 trend provides numerous advantages, encompassing personalized and focused on the
students
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 and adoptable
schedule
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.
This
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 essay will explore those merits,
while
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also
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 addressing valid concerns associated with
this
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 topic. The first reason behind
this
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 stance is that
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
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 child can have more knowledge than other peers and learn rapidly and
effective
Change the word
effectively
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, especially
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
distract
Wrong verb form
distracted
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other
Change preposition
by other
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 appealing things
such
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 as girls, video games, fights and others.
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Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 the progress of children will experience an increase day by day.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 approximately 80 percent of physics like Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Michael Faraday and Thomas Edison educated on homeschooling.
Moreover
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,
this
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 concept contributes another valuable asset. Flexible
schedule
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. You can learn everything which you want at any time in home
educating
Replace the word
education
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. Cause your curriculum is
adoptable
Correct your spelling
adaptable
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, you do not need to look at
lesson
Correct article usage
the lesson
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schedule
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 and you can easily achieve your aim.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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a
Remove the article
apply
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recent research found that 52
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of American youngsters
learn
Correct pronoun usage
who learn
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 in homeschooling learn subjects which
interested
Replace the word
interest
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and
Change preposition
in and
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wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 by themselves so they can enter top
unversities
Correct your spelling
universities
.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 it is essential to recognize that there are challenges, though they do not diminish the
overall
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 positive impact of learning in distance.
Conversely
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, it is important to acknowledge that the lack of communication can be considered a significant drawback.
Students
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 only can talk with their teachers.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
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 there are not any
students
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 for talking. And
major
Correct your spelling
majority
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 are
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggling
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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 problem. Recent research concluded that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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78
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of homeschooling
students
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 suffer from the issue during constructing
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 future foundation.
Nevertheless
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, the benefits of
this
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 topic are substantial and continue to exert a positive influence. In conclusion, upon examining the various aspects of
this
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 phenomenon, it can be affirmed that, even though not without challenges, its advantages to society
undeniably
Add a missing verb
are undeniably
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 superior, particularly when considering instances
such
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 as individual and flexible
Use synonyms
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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.
Submitted by nursultonergashov19 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea that contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
To enhance Task Response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. It’s important to ensure that examples provided are directly related to the main points being discussed and are specific to the topic of homeschooling versus traditional schooling.
General
To strengthen the essay, work on providing more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the main points being discussed. Additionally, make sure to clearly distinguish the benefits and challenges of homeschooling, and address any counterarguments in detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of homeschooling and outlines the key points that will be addressed in the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the essay’s main points while clearly reasserting the writer’s standpoint, ensuring a cohesive ending.
Task Response
The essay addresses both benefits (personalized learning, flexible schedules) and challenges (lack of communication) related to homeschooling, providing a balanced view.
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