Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
fast-changing
digital era Correct article usage
the fast-changing
technology
develops so that it opens number
of doors to Change the article
a number
the number
people
. However
, there are not only positive sides. Although
it is believed that this
advancement reduces the crime rate , there are some people
who consider it as a trigger for illegal actions. This
essay will discuss both sides giving viable reasons why I believe that the more the technological field improves, the less crime occurs.
On the one hand, improvements in technology
created so many opportunities, with the increase in safety at the same time. Because of the better secure system of techs, that are being manufactured day by day, criminals try to approach illegal actions more carefully. Take the alarm system of the house or office that is
of the latest model. When, for instance
, a burglar intends to enter a building at night, today's alarm system prevents him with its better warning signal which can detect even the smallest movements or restricted action. Therefore
, criminals can not finish what they intended to do, which, in turn, encourages them to contemplate giving up this
wrong way.
On the other hand
, with improvements in technology
for industrial, scientific, and everyday life purposes, different kinds of tools and equipment are also
being produced. With the help of that sort of tech, people
with bad intentions become able to gain what they want much easier and faster. This
"positive development" motivates others to consider illegal ways of getting anything they are willing to without actually trying to get it in a legal way.
In conclusion, despite the fact that the evolution of technology
ensures safety, making criminals abandon their wishes, there can be found other erudite people
, who are able to leverage that advancement for their own benefit.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a proper introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph's main point is fully developed and supported with specific examples or further explanations.
task achievement
Your responses to the task are adequate, but strive for more depth and specificity in your examples and explanations. Make sure each viewpoint is explored in more detail.
general
Some phrases can be made clearer or more concise. For example, avoid redundancies and overly complicated sentences. It’ll help in making your ideas more accessible and impactful.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is well-structured and sets the tone for the essay effectively.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and articulates your own viewpoint effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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