IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The two picture illustrates the changes in Stockford City in 1986 and present time. Summarize the key points and make comparison.

#two #picture #changes #stockford #city #time #points #comparison
The map
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the transformation of a
city
 layout, namely Stockford, in the year 1986 and the current time. In 1986, there were farmlands in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the North-West and the South-East areas of the
city
, which have been demolished and converted into housing
estate
Fix the agreement mistake
estates
show examples
. The Post office. located in the
north west
Correct your spelling
northwest
show examples
 remains unchanged,
while
 the shops nearby
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been removed and
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been replaced by housing
estate
Fix the agreement mistake
estates
show examples
 to support the population growth. The primary school, located roughly in the middle of the
city
, has expanded new buildings on
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 left and right side of the main building. Below, the primary school, there used to be a garden that had a big house, but
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
later, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 redeveloped into four retirement home buildings.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the south of the
city
, the farmland was replaced by residential areas.
Moreover
, despite the noticeable changes, the post office and the bridge remain untouched. In conclusion, the
city
 has
expereinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
a drastic changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
drastic changes
a drastic change
show examples
, which
mailny
Correct your spelling
mainly
many
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on residences for
city
 dwellers of Stockford.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. While you have included an introduction, it is a bit brief, and your conclusion could be more comprehensive.
task achievement
Check for small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the map illustrate' which should be 'the map illustrates' and 'has been demolished' which should be 'have been demolished.'
task achievement
While your essay responds to the task, it could be enhanced with more specific examples and a clearer structure - for instance, splitting into paragraphs for 1986 and present times.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear comparison of 1986 and the present-day layout of Stockford.
supported main points
You've effectively highlighted all the major changes including the redevelopment of farmland, shops, and the addition of new housing estates.
logical structure
Information is well-organized and follows a logical structure, which makes it easy to follow the transformation of the city.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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