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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think they have the right to use as much water as they wan. Others, however, believe that the government should control the use of fresh water as it is a limited resource. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #right #water #government #control #resource
People
 have different views about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
resource
using
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use
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.
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
 consider they have authority
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
 it and they could
use
 it for whatever they require.But others guess it is essential for
government
Add an article
the government
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 to limit the
use
 of
water
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
.I would argue that it is
bette
Correct your spelling
better
 to the limitation of
government
. With the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
,our daily life could not leave
of
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apply
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water
.Some
water
 was
use
Change the form of the verb
used
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 for industry,gardening
or
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apply
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drinking,etc.The massive range of
water
using
Wrong verb form
uses
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account
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accounts
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 for many waste.Many
people
use
water
 without governing,leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
water
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
.
Besides
,
due to
 the unlimited
use
for
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
,lots of
water
 is polluted and
people
 hardly find
some
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apply
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clear
water
 for drinking which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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 the
water
 illness recover.So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
water
 should be governed by authority and do not indulge
people
 overusing. There are some reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 guess it is necessary for
government
 to control the
use
 of fresh
water
.On one hand,
people
 usually don’t know what they waste
water
.Through the effect of the
government
,
people
 have a good opportunity to understand which of their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are wasteful of
water
 resources.Take the case of some
convince
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convincing
show examples
 in my country,the administration
spend
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spends
show examples
 too
more
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 money for advertising the saving of
water
.
On the other hand
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 would make a list or schedule for the
water
 resources
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
 and it could manage its distribution, allowing it could put it where it’s needed. In conclusion,it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to me that both of the views are controversial.
However
,in my opinion,it is quite important for
government
 to govern the
resource
 of
water
.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Your essay discusses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is good for task achievement. However, you need clearer and more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay needs improvement. The introduction merges into the main body without sufficient clarity. Try to state your thesis more clearly at the end of the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices and linking words more effectively. For example, instead of 'why i guess,' use 'why I believe.' Clearer linking between sentences and paragraphs will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your points. Explain why managing water resources is crucial, give specific examples of water wastage, and describe how government control can mitigate this issue.
task achievement
Your essay tries to address both views and presents your opinion, fulfilling the basic requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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