IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below gives information abput the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004

the chart below gives information abput the average annual pay of doctors and other workers in seven different countries in 2004
The bar chart compares yearly
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 for
doctors
Use synonyms
 and other employees in 7 countries,mainly Canada,
Czech
Use synonyms
 Republic, Finland,France,Germany,
Switzerland
Use synonyms
,and USA in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
although
Linking Words
 the United States gave the
hightest avarage
Correct your spelling
highest average
 payment to
workers
Use synonyms
 in
sphere
Add an article
the sphere
show examples
 of medicine.
Use synonyms
Czech
Correct article usage
The Czech
show examples
 Republic
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 other countries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 and
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 got
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of money. The USA and
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 paid over 40 thousand $ to
workers
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, France,Germany,
Canda
Correct your spelling
Canada
show examples
 and Finland gave 30 thousand $ in
respectivaly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
While
Linking Words
Czech
Use synonyms
Rpublic
Correct your spelling
Republic
 separated only about 28.000 dollars. The highest amount of payment for
doctors
Use synonyms
 was given by the United States of America,
approximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 140.000$.
However
Linking Words
, The least amount of money was by
Use synonyms
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
show examples
 Republic,only 40.000$ per year.
Additionly
Rephrase
In addition
show examples
, Finland spent about 54.000$
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 payments
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 Germany gave over 110.000$ to
workers
Use synonyms
 in
sphere
Add an article
the sphere
show examples
 of medicine,people in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 got less than 110.000$.France and Canada paid 93.000 and 107.000$ to
doctors
Use synonyms
respectivaly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words doctors, czech, switzerland, workers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: