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Band 3

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives,but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
Many adults
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 create a balance between
work
 and
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 life.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 only dozens of
people
 achieved it. It has several reasons,like working in many jobs or misunderstanding in planning day. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 and solutions to
this
 problem. Several millions of
people
 have
planing
Correct your spelling
plans
show examples
 for their day.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
people
 cannot manage their
time
 and cannot finish their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 to deadlines.To finish their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 they will spend their night
time
 rather chatting with their family or playing with their children.
Moreover
,
although
 many thousands of workers
work
 more than others, they get less amount of payments.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 they
work
 in several jobs at the same
time
 to earn more. If they
work
Correct article usage
a hole
show examples
Correct article usage
a hole
show examples
Correct your spelling
whole
show examples
hole
Correct your spelling
whole
show examples
 day,they cannot spend
time
 with their family. It has some solutions to
broke
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
.If
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 increases payments,
people
 will not
work
 in several places. After working in one job,
people
 will have enough
time
 for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 life.
Furthermore
,another solution is the given task must be done on
time
. After finishing
Add an article
the task
a task
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
,
people
 will have more
time
 to create
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 life. In
conclusin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
 because of small
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
,
people
 must
work
 in 2 or 3 places, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 can create
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 plan, he can catch up
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 all tasks.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to include specific examples to support your points. For instance, describing a scenario where someone successfully balanced work and personal life would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that sentence transitions are smooth. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential elements of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both causes and solutions, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
What to do next:
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