Some peolple believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsastisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The vast majority of
people
believe that unsatisfied may have a worse effect on
people
, some argue that
people
should get some bad situation to improve their abilities. Personally, the claim about
this
topic is to go for a second opinion as the damage is seen, there are reasons to elaborate as follows. First. some
people
believe that bad situations or bad experiences
such
as occupation, and lack of finances can harm
people
both physically and mentally. Nowadays
people
that disappointed by something become depressed,
while
other
people
are happy with their lives.
For instance
, In Bangkok which is the capital city of Thailand, A vast of
people
decide to suicide not only because of financial issues but
also
get severe of depression.
However
, It is obvious that
people
become more talented every single day. No one can deny that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
various insults make
people
try to improve themself and be professionals in that way.
Besides
that, even though worse experiences are tedious, they still give the greatest experience.
Moreover
, every person who is successful today is
also
upset .
For example
,
people
that unsatisfied are depressed, and sad,
while
other businessmen do not give up from that period, it is beneficial to them today and successfully.
To sum up
, a bad situation can harm
people
, especially their mental health. Personally, think that if you are patient and try hard it definitely brings benefits to you.
Hence
, try hard
then
everything until you become successful, and you will be proud of yourself.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task achievement
Try to be more specific and detailed in your arguments. Use specific examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically into the next.
introduction
You have introduced the topic clearly.
conclusion
The essay includes a conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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