IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 cannot imagine their daily life without computer
technologies
Use synonyms
, which are presented in economic, social, educational, cultural and other sectors. In my
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 behind
this
Linking Words
 situation in the future and consider the pros and cons of
people
Use synonyms
´s excessive
relying
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 on
computers
Use synonyms
. One of the main reasons why
computers
Use synonyms
 will become an integral part of modern-day life is
simplification
Add an article
a simplification
the simplification
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
´s
work
Use synonyms
 and lifestyle. At one touch of a button,
technologies
Use synonyms
 let
people
Use synonyms
 avoid complex
work
Use synonyms
 and save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workspace
Add an article
the workspace
show examples
. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean, today´s
computers
Use synonyms
 can solve issues faster than
people
Use synonyms
 do and
this
Linking Words
 trend will increase in the future. To give a specific example,
technologies
Use synonyms
 supported by artificial intelligence will write complete articles, generate images and communicate with customers.
As a result
Linking Words
, some employees will be replaced by
technologies
Use synonyms
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 there won´t
exist
Verb problem
be
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
occupations
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 designers and journalists anymore.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would be more impacted by
computers
Use synonyms
 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, as nowadays their
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 already are based on online processes
such
Linking Words
 as online shopping and banking. In my opinion, the increasing popularity of
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 has both negative and positive sides. It allows everyone to stay in touch constantly and stay updated with the latest events.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, it became possible to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely. To give a specific example, my boss lives in Indonesia and successfully runs his businesses around the world using his computer.
However
Linking Words
, despite constantly evolving
technologies
Use synonyms
 there are a lot of issues and defects that machines have. It is questionable to rely heavily on
computers
Use synonyms
 as they can be hacked or have disruptions.
For example
Linking Words
, recently there was
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
 worldwide breakdown on
Microsoft based
Add a hyphen
Microsoft-based
show examples
 devices that stopped
work
Use synonyms
 at some airports in different countries and
therefore
Linking Words
 companies lost their clients and money.
To sum up
Linking Words
, computer-based
technologies
Use synonyms
 are important parts of our lives, and
people
Use synonyms
 are increasingly influenced by them. Our future is hardly imaginable without
computers
Use synonyms
, but we should be mindful
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all the disadvantages
technologies
Use synonyms
 have.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the essay stays on topic throughout and directly addresses all parts of the prompt. A clear response to both questions should be evident in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Create more seamless transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of the argument.
task achievement
Expand on examples and explanations for points made, making sure they are directly related to the task prompt. This will help to fully develop ideas and increase the clarity of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that they support the overall argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, particularly the remote working example and the Microsoft breakdown incident.
task achievement
The essay covers both the positive and negative aspects of relying heavily on computer-based technology, showing a balanced viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence
  • automation
  • digital resources
  • ubiquitous
  • digital divide
  • virtual realities
  • e-waste
  • screen time
  • medical technology
  • tech-driven economies
  • human relationships
  • efficient resource management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: