IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I think that
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of the
countryside
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move
Replace the word
moving
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 to the
city
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makes
Verb problem
has
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negorive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effects. These days,
people
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 in
outskirts
Correct article usage
the outskirts
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 are dropping. Changing the
population
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occurs
Verb problem
causes
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 some
ploblems
Correct your spelling
problems
.
Decreasing
Correct article usage
A decreasing
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popluation
Correct your spelling
population
makes
Verb problem
has
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the
Correct article usage
an
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
county
Correct your spelling
country
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. In general, our foods are harvested in
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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. If the
population
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 decreased, the amount of crops would decline.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who remain in rural areas are elderly persons. They are difficult to continue their farming, so we will lose
famers
Correct your spelling
farmers
 dramatically.
Furthermore
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, increasing the number of
people
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 in the
city
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 makes negative
impucts
Correct your spelling
impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and lifestyle in the
city
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. Fast, the more
people
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 live in, the more amount of cars, bus, and trains are increased. They
damages
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damage
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 the environment. They emit
green house
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greenhouse
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 gases
in
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into
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 the air, and It will expand the holes
of
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in
show examples
ozone
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the ozone
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 layer. The places where we can live will be
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrunk
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. It
also
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affect
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affects
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to
Change preposition
apply
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animals and plants.
Second,
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growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
population
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affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 our lifestyle in the
city
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.
For example
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, It causes heavy traffic jams. Nowadays, in Tokyo, we cannot drive cars in the
city
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due to
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 traffic jams, the highways are
also
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 the same. It is difficult to access to the
city
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 by cars and buses.
Moreover
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, commuter
tains
Correct your spelling
trains
 are always packed by
people
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, and it is disgusting to use them. Sometimes, too many
people
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 ride on the train, It is so dangerous.
To sum up
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, moving the
people
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 who live in the
countryside
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 have serious
ploblems
Correct your spelling
problems
 in the
countryside
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 and in the
city
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. We should discourage the
people
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 who live in the
countryside
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to go
Change preposition
from going
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 to the
city
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, try to clearly organize your points in distinct paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are fully supported by detailed examples or evidence. This not only clarifies your arguments but also makes them more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are comprehensive and clearly expressed. Avoid vague statements and elaborate on your ideas to make them more comprehensible to the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to back up your arguments. This will strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the negative effects on rural and urban areas, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Good attempt at explaining the consequences of population movement on both economy and environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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