IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #achive #message
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The
message
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 of
try
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trying
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 hard enough is simple in
asian
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Asian
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 cultures. Parents always assume that laziness is the root of
the
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apply
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bad performances, and force
children
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 to various tutorial classes.
This
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 essay will examine the pros and cons of delivering
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children
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to children
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 the
message
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 of
try
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trying
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 hard enough. Advocates of giving
this
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message
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 prefer that it can enhance
children
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's different abilities. Before
to get
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getting
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 into society,
children
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 have to face troubles, which can promote the
adatptation
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adaptation
 in society.
Children
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leran
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learn
 the value of effort and resilience.
Also
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, believing in their potential can enhance
children
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's self-confidence and self-worth.
This
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 can lead to higher aspirations and the willingness to take on challenges.
Otherwise
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, opponents believe that
this
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message
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lead
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leads
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 to negative consequences.
This
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message
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 can create unrealistic expectations. Not all goals are achievable despite hard work, leading to potential frustration and disappointment.
Next,
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constantly striving to achieve lofty goals can lead to significant stress and pressure.
Children
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 might feel overwhelmed and anxious about meeting expectations. In conclusion, the merits and demerits of
this
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message
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 can affect
children
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's
life
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lives
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. Balancing the
postive
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positive
 and negative
effection
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effects
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, parents need to care
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children's
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for children's
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 development in different ways.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to be more logically structured. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should be clearer and more concise, outlining your essay’s main arguments more explicitly.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Avoid generic statements and explore your points in more depth.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the basic requirement of task response.
coherence cohesion
You have demonstrated an understanding that both pros and cons need to be discussed, which is good for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-Esteem
  • Aspirations
  • Growth Mindset
  • Innate Ability
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Frustration
  • Disappointment
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Overwhelmed
  • Anxious
  • External Factors
  • Inherent Talents
  • Lofty Goals
What to do next:
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