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Band 2.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #achive #message
The
message
 of
try
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trying
show examples
 hard enough is simple in
asian
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Asian
show examples
 cultures. Parents always assume that laziness is the root of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad performances, and force
children
 to various tutorial classes.
This
 essay will examine the pros and cons of delivering
children
Change preposition
to children
show examples
 the
message
 of
try
Change the form of the verb
trying
show examples
 hard enough. Advocates of giving
this
message
 prefer that it can enhance
children
's different abilities. Before
to get
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getting
show examples
 into society,
children
 have to face troubles, which can promote the
adatptation
Correct your spelling
adaptation
 in society.
Children
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
 the value of effort and resilience.
Also
, believing in their potential can enhance
children
's self-confidence and self-worth.
This
 can lead to higher aspirations and the willingness to take on challenges.
Otherwise
, opponents believe that
this
message
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to negative consequences.
This
message
 can create unrealistic expectations. Not all goals are achievable despite hard work, leading to potential frustration and disappointment.
Next,
constantly striving to achieve lofty goals can lead to significant stress and pressure.
Children
 might feel overwhelmed and anxious about meeting expectations. In conclusion, the merits and demerits of
this
message
 can affect
children
's
life
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lives
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. Balancing the
postive
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positive
 and negative
effection
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effects
show examples
, parents need to care
children's
Change preposition
for children's
show examples
 development in different ways.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to be more logically structured. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should be clearer and more concise, outlining your essay’s main arguments more explicitly.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Avoid generic statements and explore your points in more depth.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, fulfilling the basic requirement of task response.
coherence cohesion
You have demonstrated an understanding that both pros and cons need to be discussed, which is good for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-Esteem
  • Aspirations
  • Growth Mindset
  • Innate Ability
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Frustration
  • Disappointment
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Overwhelmed
  • Anxious
  • External Factors
  • Inherent Talents
  • Lofty Goals
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