in Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Senior citizens frequently move to old
age
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homes
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in Britain, and I believe the central
government
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should be responsible for their living costs.
This
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ought to be
due to
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the inability of some families to support the elder ones and the laws of tax collection imposed by the
government
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. First and foremost, few families are unable to afford proper
care
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for their parents and grandparents so they send them to old
age
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centres; hoping the
government
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will sustain their living expenses.
For example
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, In Vietnam, it is a rule that whenever children are financially restricted
to support
Change preposition
from supporting
show examples
their parents, they must
send
Wrong verb form
be sent
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to old
age
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homes
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for better facilities. If the family was
otherwise
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able to provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better medical
care
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, Why would they send parents to old
age
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homes
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?
Therefore
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,
government
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should be accountable for providing optimal
care
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to senior citizens at
such
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facilities.
Furthermore
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,
taxes
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are collected from individuals throughout their working lives in the form of income
taxes
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and
pensions
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pension
show examples
plans, so they are utilized in the later years of life for reliability and satisfaction.
For example
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, Britain's
government
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deducts billions of dollars in
taxes
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from employees'
pay cheques
Correct your spelling
paychecks
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to assure them financial stability as they retire.
Consequently
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, people work their entire lives to be financially relieved after retirement.
Thus
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, the country should be responsible for
maintenance
Correct article usage
the maintenance
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of centres, and
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
medical aid and shelter to senior citizens. In conclusion, people who live in old
age
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homes
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should be assisted by the
government
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. Owing to the fact that some unfortunate families are incapable of taking
care
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of their elders and these seniors have been paying
taxes
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for a better future, for most of their lives.
Submitted by bidingmehakjot on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the arguments well. However, you could strengthen your essay by providing a bit more background context about the situation in Britain.
coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that your body paragraphs are more evenly balanced in length and detail. The second paragraph could benefit from a bit more elaboration or examples to match the depth of the first paragraph.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured and the main points are logical, work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the question, providing a well-supported argument for why the government should bear the cost of care for elderly citizens.
task achievement
The usage of examples, particularly the one about Vietnam, effectively supports your argument and adds credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, providing a satisfying end to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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