in Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Senior citizens frequently move to old
age
homes
in Britain, and I believe the central government
should be responsible for their living costs. This
ought to be due to
the inability of some families to support the elder ones and the laws of tax collection imposed by the government
.
First and foremost, few families are unable to afford proper care
for their parents and grandparents so they send them to old age
centres; hoping the government
will sustain their living expenses. For example
, In Vietnam, it is a rule that whenever children are financially restricted to support
their parents, they must Change preposition
from supporting
send
Wrong verb form
be sent
them
to old Correct pronoun usage
apply
age
homes
for better facilities. If the family was otherwise
able to provide a
better medical Remove the article
apply
care
, Why would they send parents to old age
homes
? Therefore
, government
should be accountable for providing optimal care
to senior citizens at such
facilities.
Furthermore
, taxes
are collected from individuals throughout their working lives in the form of income taxes
and pensions
plans, so they are utilized in the later years of life for reliability and satisfaction. Change the noun form
pension
For example
, Britain's government
deducts billions of dollars in taxes
from employees' pay cheques
to assure them financial stability as they retire. Correct your spelling
paychecks
Consequently
, people work their entire lives to be financially relieved after retirement. Thus
, the country should be responsible for maintenance
of centres, and Correct article usage
the maintenance
to provide
medical aid and shelter to senior citizens.
In conclusion, people who live in old Change the verb form
providing
age
homes
should be assisted by the government
. Owing to the fact that some unfortunate families are incapable of taking care
of their elders and these seniors have been paying taxes
for a better future, for most of their lives.Submitted by bidingmehakjot on
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the arguments well. However, you could strengthen your essay by providing a bit more background context about the situation in Britain.
coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that your body paragraphs are more evenly balanced in length and detail. The second paragraph could benefit from a bit more elaboration or examples to match the depth of the first paragraph.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured and the main points are logical, work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the question, providing a well-supported argument for why the government should bear the cost of care for elderly citizens.
task achievement
The usage of examples, particularly the one about Vietnam, effectively supports your argument and adds credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, providing a satisfying end to your essay.