It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is often held that teachers, peers and the media have a
significantinfluence
Correct your spelling
significant influence
on the life of
children
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.
While
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some people argue that these factors are predominant in shaping a child's future, others believe that
parents
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impact their offspring in more critical ways.
This
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essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the one hand, the books
children
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read and the music they listen to form their belief system.
In other words
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,
children
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tend to copy the behaviour of their favourite personality or fictional character.
Moreover
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, when little ones work and play In groups, they are influenced by their peers.
Finally
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, other factors, like the media, prompt
children
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to want things regarded as fashionable.
For instance
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,
children
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demand toys that they see on television.
On the other hand
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, a child's personality is malleable at a very young age, and
parents
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are always present in their life at
this
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stage.
Also
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, very young
children
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love to imitate.
For example
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,
children
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who come from a dysfunctional family often exhibit behavioural problems at school. An emotionally secure environment at home is critical for the child's confidence.
Moreover
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,
parents
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also
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teach
children
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about setting boundaries. In my opinion,
childrens
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children's
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choice of friends, books or music depends on the values instilled in them by their
parents
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.
Therefore
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,
parents
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hold more substantial sway over their offspring than media, pop culture and friends circle. In conclusion, the outside world influences the intellectual and social development of
children
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.
However
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, I believe that it is
parents
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who set the stage for these developments by laying a strong foundation from a very young age
Submitted by amir.bakhshi1010 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your main points, especially when discussing the influence of peers and media.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in spelling and formatting, such as maintaining uniform spacing and avoiding typos like 'significantinfluence'.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and concludes effectively, reaffirming the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion.
task achievement
The essay fully addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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