Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of
millenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
are of the notion that professional
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
should
work
in their own countries from where they completed their education,
while
many experts hold a strong
opinion
that they should be allowed to
work
across the globe. I will shed light on both views and put forth my
opinion
on
this
matter. Analyzing the statement, full-time workers should be encouraged to
work
in their home
country
from where they acquired
the
Change the word
their
show examples
education. They have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
understanding of their
country
and
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
it;
hence
, they can gain more success here than in some other part of the world.
Moreover
, they can understand
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
of their citizens and provide them with a resolution in
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
show examples
language.
For instance
, a
punjabi
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Punjabi
show examples
speaker will be more comfortable in taking services from someone who can speak or understand the
punjabi
Change the capitalization
Punjabi
show examples
( local) language. Explaining
further
, another school of thought holds a firm
opinion
that practicing in
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
country
provides diverse experience
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
enrich
Correct subject-verb agreement
enriches
show examples
their understanding of law and
refine
Correct subject-verb agreement
refines
show examples
their problem-solving skills.
Furthermore
, many global issues are similar in nature and professionals can contribute their valuable insights to solve those problems.
Additionally
, it facilitates professionals with global experience which is necessary for their personal growth. In my
opinion
, professionals should maintain a striking balance between personal growth and
Correct article usage
the countrys'
show examples
countrys'
Change noun form
country's
show examples
progress. Government should encourage workers to serve their local community by working in their own countries.
However
, they should provide
platform
Add an article
a platform
show examples
for them to actively participate in global opportunities to enhance their knowledge and skills. To recapitulate,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
should not only be motivated to
work
in the countries they attained their education to
work
towards the progress of the
country
, but
also
be provided with various opportunities to refine their skills by participating in global events.
Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, which is wonderful. However, you can improve the specificity and number of examples to strengthen your argument. Providing more varied examples will help to illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies that break the flow of your essay. Proofread your work to ensure that it is free from these errors. Using complex structures correctly can improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, which is great. However, try to make the conclusion more impactful by summarizing key points effectively and stating your opinion succinctly.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion on both views, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay and clearly states your intention to discuss both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
You ended with a coherent conclusion that encapsulates your main points, which is crucial for structuring an IELTS essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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